Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you.
We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.
I fear nothing so much as a man who is witty all day long.
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
To hell with the cost, if it's a good story, I'll make it.
Witty, brooding, contemplative, explosive: take your pick.
Don't worry about the war. It's all over but the shooting.
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
Don't let your life pass you by, weep not for the memories.
The problem with a life spent reading is you know too much.
My heart's in the right place. I know, 'cuz I hid it there.
I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
I wasn't really naked. I simply didn't have any clothes on.
A woman can be sexy, charming, witty or shy with her shoes.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
[on pop idol Donny Osmond] He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.
Marriage, a market which has nothing free but the entrance.
The naked truth is always better than the best-dressed lie.
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
My brain's not sharp enough to come up with a witty comment.
A witty statesman said, you might prove anything by figures.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another.
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Nice people don't necessarily fall in love with nice people.
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
Pornography is literature designed to be read with one hand.
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
There's many witty men whose brains can't fill their bellies.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.