Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
The wicked at heart probably know something.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic.
Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
Do your thing and don't care if they like it.
The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
This makes me so sore it gets my dandruff up.
When nothing is sure, everything is possible.
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
A poet can survive everything but a misprint.
The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.
God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.
Political correctness is tyranny with manners.
I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
The next time you have a thought... let it go.
Every problem has a gift for you in its hands.
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.
Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
If you want a friend in Washington, buy a dog.
Practical politics consists in ignoring facts.
So you're mother? Nice to put a name to a face.
I stand by all the misstatements that I've made
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Don't be a hard rock when you really are a gem!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.
I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
The stories we love best do live in us forever.
What matters most is that we learn from living.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.
Sons branch out, but one woman leads to another.
Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.
Trying to be witty leads to lying, more or less.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?