One picture is worth 1,000 denials.

Grove giveth and Gates taketh away.

I can levitate birds. No one cares.

I adore pretty things & witty words.

You may be witty, but not satirical.

Logic is in the eye of the logician.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

I think serial monogamy says it all.

They who drink beer will think beer.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.

Under every stone lurks a politician.

Science should be on tap, not on top.

I've been in more laps than a napkin.

Normal is in the eye of the beholder.

A fool and his words are soon parted.

My commentary's hilarious, not witty.

Polite conversation is rarely either.

I read part of it all the way through.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

As I get older, I just prefer to knit.

Criticism is prejudice made plausible.

If it doesn't sell, it isn't creative.

Our comedies are not to be laughed at.

Well-behaved women seldom make history.

Men are only as loyal as their options.

A clever man commits no minor blunders.

Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!

Life is never easy for those who dream.

I never said most of the things I said.

Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?

I have read your book and much like it.

You fail to overlook the crucial point.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.

I'm single because I was born that way.

This isn't right. This isn't even wrong.

My brain? It's my second favorite organ!

College isn't the place to go for ideas.

You are never too old to become younger!

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.

Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.

Every one is witty for his owne purpose.

Your self-esteem is a notch below Kafka.

The superfluous, a very necessary thing.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

Between funny and witty Falls the shadow

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