Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I like quips. I like whiffs of cynicism and I think they can be witty. But I don't really know where wittiness is constructive.
To have money is to be virtuous, honest, beautiful and witty And to be without is to be ugly and boring and stupid and useless.
Silence in love betrays more woe - Than words though ne'er so witty; A beggar that is dumb, you know, may challenge double pity.
Shakespeare, Butler and Bacon have rendered it extremely difficult for all who come after them to be sublime, witty or profound.
The great joke is that a realist is an optimistic pessimist. That's very witty. Whether it's truthful or not, that I don't know.
I tried to think of a witty play on Every picture tells a thousand words, but then the whole word/picture thing collapsed on me.
At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since.
I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.
A word of kindness is seldom spoken in vain, while witty sayings are as easily lost as the pearls slipping from a broken string.
Sometimes you want to have a very productive Saturday to feel that you are in control of your life, which of course you are not.
There is an element of seduction in shoes that doesn't exist for men. A woman can be sexy, charming, witty or shy with her shoes.
My father liked to moralize, and so do I. But he was in earnest, while I am embarrassed and pretend that I am merely being witty.
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
I'm so smart now. Everyone's always like 'take your top off'. Sorry, NO! They always want to get that money shot. I'm not stupid.
Never try to be witty with U.S. airport officials. It's always lost on them and you'll find yourself being put back on the plane.
The older theory was, marry an older man because they're more mature. But the new theory is men don't mature. Marry a younger one.
My music started out as a complete joke, so really all I was doing was going for witty punchlines to make all of my buddies laugh.
Clever, witty and absorbing, Amortality is a much-needed anatomy of our profound malaise about ageing. Its charms will never fade.
Middle Age is that perplexing time of life when we hear two voices calling us, one saying, 'Why not?' and the other, 'Why bother?'
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has no heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
I'm glad Carol Vorderman has left Countdown, I mean it's not like she did much. She was effectively just an autistic shelf-stacker.
People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
The next time you find yourself in an argument, rather than defend your position, see if you can see the other point of view first.
I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!'
You're a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn't even have the decency to have!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn something
Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.
To obtain an assured favorable response from people, it is better to offer them something for their stomachs instead of their brains.
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
I earn and pay my own way as a great many women do today. Why should unmarried women be discriminated against - unmarried men are not.
Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
Women, as some witty Frenchman once put it, inspire us with the desire to do masterpieces and always prevent us from carrying them out.
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants
Most women defend themselves. It is the female of the species-it is the tigress and lioness in you which tends to defend when attacked.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
My philosophy towards life is to enjoy it to the fullest and have fun. I am one of those 'laugh-out-loud' kinds. I am quirky, yet witty.
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
Government exists to protect us from each other. Where government has gone beyond its limits is in deciding to protect us from ourselves.
Laughter not only makes the journey endurable and even enjoyable, it also helps keep us healthy.... Be like a child: learn to laugh more!
I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Political language... is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.
Whenever I start feeling too arrogant about myself, I always take a trip to the U.S. The immigration guys kick the star out of my stardom.
When our government is spoken of as some menacing, threatening, foreign entity, it ignores the fact that in our democracy, government is us
It is my opinion that a man's soul may be buried and perish under a dung-heap, or in a furrow field, just as well as under a pile of money.