Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.
I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
Weathermen merely forecast rain to keep everyone else off the golf course
An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
There's a real emphasis on being witty in Scotland, even in crime novels.
The best material model of a cat is another, or preferably the same, cat.
A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.
Hell is paved with good intentions, not with bad ones. All men mean well.
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
People who can't be witty exert themselves to be devout and affectionate.
Next to being witty, the best thing is being able to quote another's wit.
The field of consciousness is tiny. It accepts only one problem at a time.
When I think of Cool Britannia I think of old people dying of hypothermia.
Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.
I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
Creative minds have always been known to survive any kind of bad training.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Acting is merely the art of keeping a large group of people from coughing.
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else.
I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry
I read the book of Job last night, I don't think God comes out well in it.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
I am like a Rolls- Royce. I can run without an engine, purely on reputation
This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.
I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
The only stable state is the one in which all men are equal before the law.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead.
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
What we love about love is the fever, which marriage puts to bed and cures.
Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself.
Men, their rights, and nothing more; women, their rights, and nothing less.
I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.
Children and zip fasteners do not respond to force ... except occasionally.
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them.
The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office.
If someone makes you feel wrong-footed, you're unlikely to find them witty.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Give me a couple of years, and I'll make that actress an overnight success.
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.