Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Men are my hobby, if I ever got married I'd have to give it up.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
Why don't you write books people can read?(to her husband James)
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man.
I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.
I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.
Women, somehow, have the same fear of witty men as of fireworks.
Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one.
If I am not worth the wooing, I surely am not worth the winning!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
He looks like a female llama who has been surprised in the bath.
Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.
Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.
We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.
Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of
To speak of the impotence of power is no longer a witty paradox.
I had a quick family. Very witty. I learned my rhythm from that.
Make the most of What you have, When you have it, Where you are.
When will you start asking different questions? Better questions?
I know that you cannot hate other people without hating yourself.
Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?
I would read Playboy more often, but my glasses keep steaming up.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Everything in life is somewhere else, and you get there in a car.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
You can pretend to be serious; but you can't pretend to be witty.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
We'd all like to vote for the best man but he's never a candidate.
In comedy, the witty style wins out over every mishap of the plot.
A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.
Women like a man with a past, but they prefer a man with a present
There's no possibility of being witty without a little ill-nature.
You rely too much on brain. The brain is the most overrated organ.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese