The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.

My wife told me that in the Bible, Abraham circumcised himself... wow! I can't even get to the bank before it closes.

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

I really wanted to retire and rest and spend more time with my children, my grandchildren and of course with my wife.

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

I've traveled the world and been about everywhere you can imagine. There's not anything I'm scared of except my wife.

I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't. The third gave me more children!

Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.

My season 2 'Good Wife' wrap gift was this deluxe package of Mortal Kombat. I played it for, like, two weeks straight.

When people meet my wife they think better of me. They say: "With a wife like that, he can't be as bad as we thought".

Buying my wife a gun sort of like me saying, ' You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise'.

The burning embers within me burst into flame / My body becomes a fire-lit torch. / Ho someone! Send for the mid-wife.

Bethink you of the blessedness. Every wife is like the Mother of God and has the hope of bearing a saviour of mankind.

What I am defending is the real rights of women. A woman should have the right to be in the home as a wife and mother.

My wife is a vegetarian. When my wife is with me, I eat vegetarian. When she's not, I eat meat. I'm just being honest.

I've never used one word of profanity in front of my wife, or my daughter, or my granddaughter or anybody else's wife.

My plan after office is to get up and spend that entire first day helping my wife move into her new senatorial office.

Since I've got on the Internet, it's opened a whole world of wasted time for me. My wife says she's an Internet widow.

Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.

These days, it's often women in uniform - moms, wives, even grandmothers - who deploy and leave their families behind.

As millions of women have done before me, I pulled domesticity over my head like a blanket and found I was still cold.

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

If I am never to have you again after this night, this moment, you will remain the wife of my soul. Keeper of my heart.

If you're going to try, go all the way. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives, jobs and maybe your mind.

One cat just leads to another." [Letter from Finca Vigia, Cuba, to his first wife, Elizabeth Hadley Richardson (1943).]

My wife who is non-Jewish regrets it all the time that I can say these terrible things about fellow Jews and she can't.

There's quite a lot of bad stuff written about me. My wife even says a lot of bad stuff about me. But she is wonderful.

My wife, my daughters, even my grandchildren are funny. You've got to keep a sense of humor because anger destroys you.

My wife and I are both Libertarian; she was a Democrat and I was a Republican, and we both met in the middle somewhere.

Since I got married my wife doesn't really let me wear anything that I used to because she says I have no taste at all.

I spend a lot of time alone and my wife understands that I need to be alone. I enjoy being alone. But I'm never lonely.

As a guy I never liked being told to call, which my wife really never does, and that's why I call her as often as I do.

The body is like the wife to the spirit. The two must cohabit to create new forms, but their pleasures rarely coincide.

Far too many husbands fail to recognize that what your wife wants and needs most from you is your concern for her soul.

O men with sisters dear, O men with mothers and wives, It is not linen you 're wearing out, But human creatures' lives!

Sharon Stone has the kind of face I'd leave my wife for. Since I'm not married, I'll have to leave someone else's wife.

I'm crazy about Shakespeare, who was a notorious word inventor. And my wife is an English teacher, and she's hilarious.

I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'

If you leave your wife and you don't ever contact her again, that says something about how you felt about the marriage.

I have a secret stash of Nutella that I pull out when necessary. That chocolate-hazelnut combo is my wife's kryptonite.

I've got four kids to feed and a wife to provide for. It's a worry but a great responsibility as well and one I relish.

As I've explained to my wife many times, you have to kill your wife or mistress to get on the front page of the papers.

I have no wife whom I love so well that I would not put a javelin through her heart, and I would do it with clean hands.

In every marriage the wife has to keep her mouth shut about at least one small thing her husband does that disgusts her.

Who letts his wife goe to every feast, and his horse drinke at every water, shall neither have good wife nor good horse.

Old wives' tales are not enough in a day when old wives and old men, too, are constantly moving away from their labours.

There is no gilding of setting sun or glamor of poetry to light up the ferocious and endless toil of the farmers' wives.

The man who loves his wife above all else on earth gains the freedom and power to pursue other noble, but lesser, loves.

If I use the word romance, whether it's my wife or not, it does not mean sex. We can use the word sex when sex is there.

[When asked how he's keeping his 12-year marriage to wife Jill fresh] Hookers, drugs. We're playing the field right now.

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