Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Happy Song' is a sarcastic open letter to the world about how we use superficial and trivial things to ignore the real problems.
A woman's preaching is like a dog's walking on his hinter legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to see it done at all.
The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
I can be much more sarcastic and, I think, sometimes withering in my assessments of things than I allow to show in my public life.
One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.
I suppose there are a lot of reasons to be jaded or sarcastic or bitter in life, but I hang on to the reasons why life is beautiful.
Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either.
With sixty staring me in the face, I have developed inflammation of the sentence structure and definite hardening of the paragraphs.
Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food, and few things in the world are more wearying than a sarcastic attitude towards life.
In the real world, nothing happens at the right place at the right time. It is the job of journalists and historians to correct that.
I try not to be one particular type of comedian - I try to be foolish, and silly, and surreal, and quite angry and sarcastic and dry.
We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes.
The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if it were.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
My dad is a very quick-witted, sarcastic, dry, humorous guy, whereas my mom's very silly, and that side of the family is very musical.
PATRIOT, n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
Put every great teacher in a room, and they'd agree about everything, but put their disciples in there and they'd argue about everything.
I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.
Seeing a murder on television can help work off one's antagonisms. And if you haven't any antagonisms, the commercials will give you some.
Some of the secret joys of living are not found by rushing from point A to point B, but by inventing some imaginary letters along the way.
I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.
An economist is a surgeon with an excellent scalpel and a rough-edged lancet, who operates beautifully on the dead and tortures the living.
Congratulations on your job at the bank! Yes. You work for the bank. After taxes, your largest expense is your mortgage and credit-card debt.
I grew up as a very sarcastic person. I was always the class clown, and to date girls I had to be really funny. I was really skinny growing up.
There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.
I'm very bubbly, so when people meet me, they sometimes think I'm fake. I'm excited to meet new people, but I guess I sound I'm being sarcastic.
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.
Whoa, what is this? Battle of the Sarcastic and Pissed? Should I make popcorn? Forget American Idol, man. This is much more entertaining. (Kish)
Barack Obama is pretty similar to the person you see in public, at press conferences. He's a little saltier, a little more sarcastic and cutting.
We fall in love when our imagination projects nonexistent perfection upon another person. One day, the fantasy evaporates and with it, love dies.
If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.
I don't want to come across the wrong way, which is hard when being funny or sarcastic at times, but I also want to make my posts more interesting.
History is a kind of introduction to more interesting people than we can possibly meet in our restricted lives; let us not neglect the opportunity.
I've learned that I need to spell out, even in cases seemingly so blatant, that in fact I am not taking this at face value and am being 'sarcastic.
I've learned that I need to spell out, even in cases seemingly so blatant, that in fact I am not taking this at face value and am being 'sarcastic.'
I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.
I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
My brothers are both 6 ft. 5 in., and if you have younger brothers who are bigger than you then you have to learn the ancient martial art of sarcasm.
I'm very bubbly, so when people meet me, they sometimes think I'm fake. I'm excited to meet new people, but I guess I sound like I'm being sarcastic.
'Don't you worry, and don't you hurry.' I know that phrase by heart, and if all other music should perish out of the world it would still sing to me.
The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.
He was either a man of about a hundred and fifty who was rather young for his years, or a man of about a hundred and ten who had been aged by trouble.
A nasty letter or a sarcastic one can make you righteously angry, but what can you do about a polite letter of rejection? Nothing, really, except cry.
Plain women are always jealous of their husbands. Beautiful women never are. They are always so occupied with being jealous of other women's husbands.