Sarcastic Quotes - Page 13

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A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.

A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.

Debating against him is no fun, say something insulting and he looks at you like a whipped dog.

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

Cookbooks bear the same relation to real books that microwave food bears to your grandmother?s.

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

It's fun to be sarcastic, but now I'm able to express myself in a way that's much more sincere.

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

His face is livid, gaunt his whole body, his breath is green with gall; his tongue drips poison.

The snow may be falling in the winter of my discontent, but at least I've got sarcastic company.

I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is the language I don't understand.

I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.

Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

I find myself to be quite sarcastic, and I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't get that.

When I see a man of shallow understanding extravagantly clothed, I feel sorry - for the clothes.

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

I find myself to be quite sarcastic, and I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't get that.

He was one of those men who possess almost every gift, except the gift of the power to use them.

When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

My dream part would be to play Mitt Romney's sarcastic black maid. We could call it 'Mammy & Me.'

The youth of America is their oldest tradition. It has been going on now for three hundred years.

Sometimes I say things that I think are obviously sarcastic and people take them quite literally.

Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own.

An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that have been permanently discontinued.

You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well.

Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.

I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth and they never believe me.

Acting is like roller skating. Once you know how to do it, it is neither stimulating nor exciting.

She's the sort of woman who lives for others - you can tell the others by their hunted expression.

German in the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747.

It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.

If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.

So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.

The things I want to know are in books; my best friend is the man who'll get me a book I ain't read.

The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

Deliberate with caution, but act with decision and yield with graciousness, or oppose with firmness.

She was kind of girl who'd eat all your cashews and leave you with nothing but peanuts and filberts.

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.

You may admire a girl's curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles.

Nature, not content with denying him the ability to think, has endowed him with the ability to write.

Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid of it.

Ants are so much like human beings as to be an embarrasment...They do everything but watch television.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

The atmosphere of Venus consists of ammonia, sulfur, and nitric oxide. Man must have lived there once.

CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

She resembles the Venus de Milo: she is very old, has no teeth, and has white spots on her yellow skin.

Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being that a belch is more satisfying.

We English are good at forgiving our enemies; it releases us from the obligation of liking our friends.

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