Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.
In order to fully realize how bad a popular play can be, it is necessary to see it twice.
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
He who desires nothing, hopes for nothing, and is afraid of nothing, cannot be an artist.
Gaia spins on, silently contemplating what it means to be born into a sarcastic universe.
I'm really sarcastic. Not Morgan Webb sarcastic. She's dry, 100%. I'm different from her.
To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.
Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
What difference does it make how much you have? What you do not have amounts to much more.
I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?
His ignorance covers the world like a blanket, and there's scarcely a hole in it anywhere.
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
Twitter is just full of silly little people enjoying being sarcastic and rude and mocking.
God forbid that any book should be banned. The practice is as indefensible as infanticide.
This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic.
She has been kissed as often as a police-court Bible, and by much the same class of people.
No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have; and I think he's a dirty little beast.
Research is an organized method for keeping you reasonably dissatisfied with what you have.
There is one thing on earth more terrible than English music, and that is English painting.
He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
I didn't even realize I was writing songs - I thought I was just being witty and sarcastic.
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
I could never learn to like her, except on a raft at sea with no other provisions in sight.
I have never killed any one, but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction.
Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to bed with Martin Luther.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle.
In some families, please is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was sorry.
Abstract art: a product of the untalented sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.
Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
The lyrics were my sarcastic way of realizing you can't be the king of the hill all the time.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
It's strange that men should take up crime when there are so many legal ways to be dishonest.
A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it.
The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
If a man writes a book, let him set down only what he knows. I have guesses enough of my own.
To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity.
It's better to be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother.
years ago we would have been burned for this. Now what I am suggesting is that we've advanced.
Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.
Arguments are extremely vulgar, for everybody in good society holds exactly the same opinions.
You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.
Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.
There is always something ridiculous about the emotions of people whom one has ceased to love.
Man was created a little lower than the angels and has been getting a little lower ever since.
And now I'm using sarcasm, to confess the whole thing so later I could say I already told you.
The problem with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, but with absolutely no talent.