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To me, my favorite joke on a stand-up special is when someone says something and you go, 'Oh my God, I've been thinking that my whole life, I've just never said it to anyone else.' Those little kinda quiet, personal observations you make that nobody else has talked about yet.
I had just gotten a job on 'Preacher' on AMC and was in New Orleans starting work on that. My agent called and said 'Are you sitting down?' and I said 'No' and he said 'Scott Rudin wants you to do 'Hello, Dolly!' and all I could say was 'Oh my God, I'll have to call you back.'
Oh my God, if you're talking terrible theme songs, you have to mention Matt Hardy. I can't understand what they're even saying. There's a point in Matt Hardy's song where it sounds like they say 'I want to meet the cheese.' I'm always like, 'Meet the cheese?' Just goofy stuff.
I know, on 'Rick and Morty,' we had the time where they unfreeze time, and they're in trouble because of it. The time starts splitting. That episode, we got a little too focused on 'how,' the hows and the science behind it, and oh my God, it was - it was spiraling us for sure.
My wife and I have mellowed out as we've gone along. With the first baby, when she cried, we'd think, Oh my God, what do we do now? But with Finley, our fourth - he's the easiest baby ever, and I think that has a lot to do with the fact that we're much more relaxed these days.
Sometimes I'm having conversations with my friends, and I feel like they can't relate to me anymore. I'm like, 'Oh, my God, let me tell you about my experience on 'Fallon'!' And they'll be like, 'Oh, my God, let me tell you about my trip to the mall!' It sometimes feels lonely.
I didn't even know how much of a feminist I was, and I realized, 'Oh my God, I was raised by a single mom who had to raise six kids. I have three sisters. Larry, you've been a feminist your whole life, and you really didn't know it until you've been presented with these issues.'
But when I'm losing a few matches, suddenly 'It's his fault', 'He doesn't want to practice', 'He doesn't need it', 'He doesn't care'. And when everything goes well, there are people coming behind the stone, saying, 'Oh, my God, he's back finally, and I was there to help him out'.
That's why I talk about the breast cancer: because I want women - and everyone - to stay on top of things and get checked. I know how scary it can be. When I dealt with it, I was like, 'Oh my God.' And I have so many other friends who have gone through it or have suffered a loss.
I didn't feel ready to leave home, because it went from no freedom to all freedom. And I was like, 'Oh, my God, I don't know what I'm doing in college.' There seemed to be no like-minded people where I was... I didn't have a clan. I didn't have a choir... There was no safety net.
I always want to try to make films feel timeless, because one of my biggest pet peeves is that there's a movie you love, and then you revisit it twenty years later, you show your kid or something, and it's like, 'Oh my God!' with hairstyles and clothing and all that kind of stuff.
When I have parties, I have little sandwiches. I always make sure I have two or three fresh habaneros, and I only put them on one or two. There's always someone who comes running around the corner, 'Oh my God! I don't know what was in those, but my mouth is on fire! What do I do?'
The day that I saw Whoopi Goldberg on television, I cried so hard because I kept looking at my daddy going, 'Oh my God. There's somebody on TV that looks like me! She looks like me! Yay! I can be on TV! I can be on TV! I can do it! Look at her - look at her! She looks just like me.'
I had to learn - since I'm divorced now and everyone is like, 'Oh my God, you're single, what's going on?' - that if I don't like to spend time with myself, how can I ask someone else to enjoy spending time with me? I'm getting to learn how to enjoy my solitude and have a good time.
I went for a warm-up and got called back and the fans started singing my name when I was sat on the bench. I thought: 'Oh my god. There are 25,000 people in the ground and there are around 1,000 Swindon fans singing a 20-year-old's name that has just been working on a building site.'
When you start at Bitly, you go through this emotional cycle, where first you go, 'Oh my God, this data is amazing.' But then you start looking at it, and you conclude that humanity is completely doomed. Because what people read is cats and Bieber and celebrity gossip and that stuff.
People think I work a lot more than I do. I think because you're in people's living rooms every day they're like: 'Oh my God, you're always on the telly,' but it's like, 'Yeah but you always have to go to work every day nine till five whereas I finish at 12:30 P.M. and then I'm home.'
Before, I was like 'Oh my God, I have to do this media, this media and this media,' but now I've learned these are stages you need to go through. If you play really good golf, you're going to get more media attention and more interest in you, and you'll get more confident handling it.
So, I remember when I was a kid, I was waiting for my mom to come home when she was working late, and, you know, I was like, 'Oh my God, what happened to her? Is she OK? Did something happen to her getting in the car?' I was a little kid. But those are actually early onsets of anxiety.
Thank God for television. I've been able to consistently work in television even when people say, 'Oh my God, I haven't seen you since this film or that project.' At least I'm working. It's very difficult to get that next movie role. I'm grateful to have the television world accept me.
From the start I was a kid who read 'Goosebumps', and that led me to Stephen King, and then I saw 'Aliens,' and 'Night of the Living Dead,' the original. And with 'Night of the Living Dead' I was like, 'Oh my god, there's a black person who's the main character. Does anybody see that?'
The way I write my songs is that I have to believe what I'm writing about, and that's why they always end up being so personal - because the kind of artists I like, they convince me, they totally win me over straight away in that thing. Like, 'Oh my God, this song is totally about me.'
I think women are very ambidextrous. We don't think twice about reading a book or a movie starring guys. But for guys, it's, like, 'Oh my God, that's a woman thing.' So with my son, I very carefully portion out the female heroes and characters to make sure he's getting an equal amount.
I'm a huge classics fan. I love Ernest Hemingway and J.D. Salinger. I'm that guy who rereads a book before I read newer stuff, which is probably not all that progressive, and it's not really going to make me a better reader. I'm like, 'Oh, my God, you should read To Kill a Mockingbird.'
Al Gore, the former vice-president of the United States, lives in a mansion that uses more electricity than the average family's bungalow! David Suzuki rides on a bus that uses more fuel than a Smart car to get across Canada! Oh my God! And this is just the tip of the vanishing iceberg!
I'm wary about this thing about being in the generation of social networking where people are like, 'I am my musical taste.' I am not just a collection of music. Or a collection of movies. I think that's a thing that people romanticize: 'Oh my God, she likes this band so she is a dream.'
I used to tweet, but it's an act of futility. You're not really making any impact, and if you find yourself in a mood when you wanna be a bit controversial and you post something, you suddenly realise, 'Oh my God!' because you've opened yourself up to a bunch of criticism from strangers.
I was on some TV shows with Lady Gaga the other week, and you could see the difference in reaction between her fans and my fans outside. She comes out, and she looks like a star, and the reaction is just tears, crying, people going, 'Oh my God, Oh my God.' My fans are like: 'Alright, Ed.'
I left L.A. and moved to Cleveland for four years in the early 2000s or whatever. I came back and thought that everything had changed. I was like, 'Oh my God, I don't think I ever fit in here. And wait, who are all of these celebrities that are not actors? Where did all of the actors go?'
That was an organic relationship. He reached out to me, and I was like, 'Oh my God, I cannot believe somebody like Laquan Smith wants to put his clothes on me.' He comes from a small place, and he has big dreams, and what I like about him the most is that his clothes curve with your body.
I was kicked off a record label and didn't get picked up again. It was devastating at first because I thought, 'Oh my God. My career is over. What's gonna happen? What am I going to do?' Once I got that I could have a career, a very good career, without having a hit record, then I changed.
I've been in, like, kids' clubs... I've been in the Boom Boom Room in New York, and the kids are going, 'Oh my God, you produced 'Arrested Development?'' They aren't talking about 'A Beautiful Mind' or '24.' It's like the only thing in my whole career was 'Arrested Development,' literally.
Then as I was wrestling as Terry Boulder. I was on a talk show with Lou Ferrigno, and I was actually bigger than he was! I went back to the dressing room that night and all of the wrestlers go 'Oh my God you're bigger than the hulk on TV' so they started calling me Terry 'The Hulk' Boulder.
It is weird. People will say, 'Oh my God, I love you.' And I'll say, 'Oh, that's so sweet. Thank you.' And the people who are walking around with me for the first time will say, 'I don't understand what happened. Somebody just told you they love you. I don't even understand what that means.'
I found a vlogger named William Sledd who talked about his life - it was very minimal edits. It was one of those things where I discovered him, and I was like, 'Oh my God, I'm obsessed with him.' I felt like I was friends with him. And he was a huge inspiration for why I made my first video.
Oh my God, I love UCLA so much. Their film school is great because it's unstructured, so there's a freedom to fail in there and just tell your story, and everybody makes a film. It's so important to have that freedom in film school because that's what you're there for: to learn and make a film.
When I was at drama school, people weren't taking pictures of themselves every five minutes. So I didn't realise how I looked. It was only when people started taking pictures of themselves that I looked at myself and thought: 'Oh my God, I look really miserable.' Even when I'm happy I look sad.
When you hit your 40s, you're walking around, and you realize, 'Oh, my God, men don't look at me anymore.' Or sometimes you can feel really good, and then you look in the mirror, and you're like, 'Oh, Jesus, that's my face now!' But I have tell you that something happened and shifted inside of me.
I always tell people, when I was a kid, there was four pay-per-views a year, and everything had three-month builds, and it was just the best thing ever. That's my wrestling. It was like, if there was a way for it to go back to that, oh my God, I would be so happy. And that's what NXT has provided.
Google is working on self-driving cars, and they seem to work. People are so bad at driving cars that computers don't have to be that good to be much better. Any time you stand in line at the DMV and look around, you're like, 'Oh, my God, I wish all these people were replaced by computer drivers.'
At Harvard I was taking an African-American studies class, and we were reading about the tragic mulatto. Invariably, the tragic mulatto can't fit in either world and flings herself off a bridge. So I'm reading, and I'm like, 'Oh, my God, I think I'm in literature,' but my life was never like that.
I started writing morning pages just to keep my hand in, you know, just because I was a writer and I didn't know what else to do but write. And then one day as I was writing, a character came sort of strolling in and I realized, Oh my God, I don't have to be just a screenwriter. I can write novels.
I get so antsy. When you're working, you're like, 'Oh my God, I'm so tired.' And then a hiatus starts, and you're off for three days, and you don't know what to do with yourself. You're never gonna have another job in your life, and you suck at acting. Your world comes tumbling down pretty quickly.
I started 'Outer Banks,' because there's so much hype around it. I saw one episode and I didn't really continue, but I got to keep going at it. Two of the actors on there were also in 'Stranger Things,' and all my friends always ask, 'Oh my God, you know Madelyn Cline. She was in 'Stranger Things' too.'
You know my girls are so funny. You're out in the country and there are critters everywhere and they get a little like, 'Oh my God! Oh no, bugs!' and I had to say, 'Honey this is fine. This is their world and it's all part of being in the country.' I realized, 'Oh my God, my girls are really city girls.'
Oh my God... I worked with George C. Scott, way before 'Chips,' in 'The New Centurion.' I co-star in that movie. It was great working with him. I worked with Charlton Heston, Glenn Ford, Robert Mitchum. Stacy Each. The old Hollywood. I met John Wayne, and that was a thrill. I was working next door to him.
You do sometimes watch performances and just think, 'I may as well give up. I won't reach that. I may as well give up.' But then there are other actors you watch and just think, 'Oh my God, yes, I want to try and do that. Try and be like that'. And Bryan Cranston is someone who I'd like to try and be like.
I think the best compliment you can receive is not, 'Oh, that was really funny,' but, 'Is that the first time you said that?' It's something that you've said a thousand times, but if somebody says to you, 'Oh my God, is that the first time you've done that?' you know that performance was where you wanted it.
Anytime you go to see a band with a guitar player, there's always a fear of guitar overkill! That's a funny question. If you went to a Taylor Swift concert or a Jay-Z show, people would think, 'Oh, my God, I hope I don't get guitar overkill.' People come to our show for guitar, and there can never be enough.
I was never the ingenue, so hopefully that'll make it easier to age and still work. I know a lot of actors who are really dissatisfied with where they're at even though some of them are huge stars and I feel like, 'Oh, my God, you're at the top.' Something interesting will come. It always does. I have faith.