Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I don't know how to tell a joke. I never tell jokes. I can tell stories that happened to me... anecdotes. But never a joke.
Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day.
I performed stand-up because I didn't have to ask anyone's permission. My set was never joke-centric. It was a performance.
I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.
Part of what I do comes from the fact that I don't know any jokes to tell. And when I do they're really flat and don't work.
The best of my songs are more than just a joke. There's something else going on - a character, or it's not just a plain joke.
On Anzac Day, coffee and jokes with a Turk might be the most meaningful and fair dinkum dawn service you could possibly have.
Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else.
I think a lot of people misinterpret what I'm doing because they think of it as just a joke or they think of it as disposable.
Everyone just wants to hear the exact jokes that apply to them and want to - everyone wants a perfectly crafted joke for them.
We are not engaged in a complicated joke disguised as a religion. We are engaged in a religion disguised as a complicated joke.
Humor is his defense mechanism, so that would allow me to talk about some serious subjects, but get a lot of hilarious jokes in.
A joke is like building a mousetrap from scratch. You have to work pretty hard to make the thing snap when it is supposed to snap.
You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally your job.
I needed time to stand back and go through a lot more experience in life. Then I have something to write about, joke or to animate.
I always joke that I'd like to be a cat 'cause then I'll have nine lives, and then I can do like everything. But that's really hard.
It’s a basic rule of humor that a joke is always at somebody’s expense. Really good jokes, however, tend to be at everyone’s expense.
Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn't seem right.
I need a woman to have a quirky sense of humor. There's a bunch of jokes I use, and if she doesn't get them, she's probably not for me.
Always warm up the audience with a joke....If you are not a particularly funny person, make sure that you inform them that it's a joke.
Only the saints would joke so about the gods, because it was either joke or scream, and they alone knew it was all the same to the gods.
she doesn’t really have a sense of humor. I think she’d like to have one—it’s just that she doesn’t quite understand what jokes are for.
I really get a little bit confused by all this "angry angry angry" talk when all I do is tell jokes and at least some people find it funny.
Same thing, like my commercials are often times really funny because I tend to find 30 seconds is a really good amount of time to tell a joke.
When I was governor, if I told a joke in front of the press - I learned. I would go, "That was a joke, joke, joke," and I'd say it three times.
If you find you are not understanding my explaination for a joke, hit F5 on your browser and the page will refresh and I will explain it again.
I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else, and that's how I'll get better.'
You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
I know that drummers tend to be the butt of a thousand jokes, usually from the uninformed and untalented, but I always felt I had an important role.
You can either just have fun with the joke or you can have fun with the joke and think about the implication of it. It's totally up to the listener.
I voted for Ralph Nader in 2000, but I will not make that mistake again. The joke is over for Nader. He was funny once, but now he belongs to the dead.
There was a time when I didn't like myself at all. I thought I was a cruel joke. But now I've come to realise that maybe I am not cute, but I am beautiful.
When people come in to act on the show, we say, "Just be extremely dry and not funny. Let the idea be the joke." That holds true through a lot of our stuff.
It's okay for me to make jokes about disabled people and people with horrible diseases because they make me uncomfortable, and I don't want to be like them.
I don't think I've ever died on stage. I've had jokes that died on stage. I've told a joke and absolutely nothing. They didn't know it was the end of the joke.
I never get tired of 'It Was A Good Day' references or jokes or anything like that. It's just, you know, keeping my biggest hit alive. Nothing wrong with that.
... the majority of us scarcely see more distinctly the faultiness of our own conduct than the faultiness of our own arguments, orthe dulness [sic] of our own jokes.
If you can't joke about the most horrendous things in the world, what's the point of jokes? What's the point in having humor? Humor is to get us over terrible things.
It's mandatory in this day and age to be considered to have a sense of humor and to demonstrate it. You're not paying me for a joke, You're paying me for the right joke.
For 35 years I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren’t funny. Some of them weren’t appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that.
My first job on the radio was writing jokes for a Baltimore DJ called Johnny Walker, who was sort of a '70s era shock jock who all the teenage boys listened to in my school.
I like to make jokes; I consider myself a funny person. I just think making jokes about people who are in a situation beyond their control is not funny to them or their families.
I am edgy, raw, offensive, vulgar, untruthful, but intelligent. My jokes are always realistic. I do not make fun of children or people who cannot fight back. That is my limitation.
Surprise makes a joke funny. I love it when someone tells me something I couldn't possibly have expected; you've been led along one path and - bang! - the joke comes out of nowhere.
People make jokes about my bosoms, why don't they look underneath the breasts at the heart? It's obvious I've got big ones and if people want to assume they're not mine, then let them.
In real life, I'm the type of girl who doesn't take herself too seriously. I'm very serious when it comes to work, but I like to make jokes and have a good laugh and make fun of myself.
Jokes are one of the things that bind the culture. If you can't have jokes about everybody in society and if one group is hedged off and protected then that group can never truly be integrated.
I'm kind of a rebound junkie. So. when a relationship goes sour, I look at the sweetness in life elsewhere. So, I date a bit. The best catharsis is to write jokes and tell 4,000 people about it.
If I inherited a billion dollars and didn't have to work ever again, what would I do to fill my day? I'd paint, I'd write jokes and stories, and I'd hang out and chat to very interesting people.
I had to keep the text pretty spare compared to what I would typically do in a picture book. My picture books have a lot of little jokes and asides that aren't necessarily part of the main story.