Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
My folks were English . . . we were too poor to be British.
I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
A cigar has "...a fire at one end and a fool at the other."
For every book you buy, you should buy the time to read it.
Cinema should make you forget you are sitting in a theater.
Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.
Hark, the Herald Tribune sings, Advertising wondrous things!
Some people underestimate how erotic it is to be understood.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.
Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees.
She needed help, but God was in a meeting whenever she rang.
A bulldog can whip a skunk, but sometimes it's not worth it.
My dad used to say to me, 'You look more like me than I do.'
French name. English accent. American school. Anna confused.
Of all the noises known to man, opera is the most expensive.
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
Sometimes those who need it the most are inclined the least.
Not enough gets said about the importance of abandoning crap.
I have a poor memory for names; but I seldom remember a face.
Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract.
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
Manage by responsibility.It is a powerful way to grow people.
Advertising is like learning - a little is a dangerous thing.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.
I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.
The only way to lose weight is to check it as airline baggage.
I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced
Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow.
Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
The worse you are at thinking, the better you are at drinking.
If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.
Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
I like the word "indolence." It makes my laziness seem classy.
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction.
Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
SCCS, the source motel! Programs check in and never check out!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London.
The most ethical administration in the history of the Republic.