Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat.
Ningauble shrugged. You're a hero. You should know.
I am pushing sixty. That is enough exercise for me.
In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
The first word you see at the airport is 'terminal'.
To me, fast food is when a cheetah eats an antelope.
Time is a circus, always packing up and moving away.
Smoking is indispensable if one has nothing to kiss.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - T-SHIRT
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!
If you'd lose a troublesome visitor, lend him money.
History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
I can prove anything by statistics except the truth.
Keep your tax-cutting, greedy hands off our medicare
You're so full of crap, you could pass for a toilet.
Aim low, reach your goals, and avoid disappointment.
Error is a hardy plant; it flourishes in every soil.
Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
I don't think the Republicans can damage my character
The only church that illuminates is a burning church.
A formal parsing algorithm should not always be used.
I figured something out. The future is unpredictable.
The best doctor is the one you run to and can't find.
Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.
I was also very concerned about protecting my family.
Many complain of their memory, few of their judgment.
I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
Brains, you know, are suspect in the Republican Party.
I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
Professional soldiers are people who die for a living.
God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.
I made myself platinum, but I was born a dirty blonde.
The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.
The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
No orator can top the one who can give good nicknames.
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable.
"Fussy eater" is a euphemism for "big pain in the ass."
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.
There is hardship in everything except eating pancakes.
It (Lewinskygate) has...compromised his moral authority
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy.
I am trying to be honest with you and it hurts me. Now.
Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.