Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Money is like manure; it's not worth a thing unless it's spread around encouraging young things to grow.
There is absolutely nothing humorous at the Masters. Here, small dogs do not bark and babies do not cry.
I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.
Bad English was the second language of Israel and bad Hebrew, of course, remained the national language.
Young lawyers attend the courts, not because they have business there, but because they have no business.
Americans are like a rich father who wishes he knew how to give his son the hardships that made him rich.
We want to be just like the greatest band. But I think we're just sort of both naturally humorous fellas.
Just being around Salman Khan, who is so energetic and humorous at the same time, is always entertaining.
If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.
There are very few people who are not ashamed of having been in love when they no longer love each other.
To advertisers: "Do not compete with your agency in the creative area. Why keep a dog and bark yourself?"
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn't got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it.
Should I be the one to play God? We're both about the same age, but we grew up in different neighborhoods.
There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.
We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives.
'Tis a good thing to laugh at any rate; and if a straw can tickle a man, it is an instrument of happiness.
If you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing. Wager, then, without hesitation, that He exists.
This nation is so friendly that the leading cause of injury is getting passionately embraced by strangers.
An actor who knows his business ought to be able to make the London telephone directory sound enthralling.
The interesting thing about coaching is that you have to trouble the comfortable, and comfort the troubled
It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.
In business, the competition will bite you if you keep running; if you stand still, they will swallow you.
And my parents finally realize I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room.
Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you.
Infiniti ads are part of an exciting new trend called "Advertising Whose Sole Purpose Is to Irritate You."
The whole imposing edifice of modern medicine is like the celebrated tower of Pisa - slightly off balance.
Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.
Israelis keep teaching you your own business. God knows everything but the Israelis know everything better.
My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.
This book is dedicated to Wilbur and Orville Wright, without whom air sickness would still be just a dream.
The Romans spent the next 200 years using their great engineering skill to construct ruins all over Europe.
Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America's biggest export is now the Oscar.
People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.
The humorous look of children is perhaps the most endearing of all the bonds that hold the Cosmos together.
Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
Manhandling the open here spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the illegal side.
We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
This looks like one of those unwelcome social summonses which call upon a man either to be bored or to lie.
Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment
If you think that you have caught a cold, call in a good doctor. Call in three good doctors and play bridge.
If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.
Going round and around inside a dryer can be fatal, whereas pasta is rarely fatal. Unless Isabelle makes it.
The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men.
Somebody should tell Jerry Falwell that God is an Independent . . . he's not rich enough to be a Republican.
My father must have had some elementary education for he could read and write and keep accounts inaccurately
Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water.