Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
It is far better to know our own weaknesses and failures than to point out those of others.
If I ever lose my mind I hope some honest person will find it and take it to Lost and Found.
The best point of my novels, I think, is their humor. I want to keep many my works humorous.
You've got to be (an) optimist to be a Democrat, and you've got to be a humorist to stay one
A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!
If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce.
There are many talented English personalities, but unfortunately they were all in Hollywood.
Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.
If you appeal to the crowd, either by being humorous or brutal or eccentric, you gain favor.
Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming.
Well, that's your opinion, isn't it? And I'm not about to waste my time trying to change it.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when it sits in the dish too long.
I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
Stalin didn't write any memoirs. He was too secretive. He was afraid people might read them.
It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
It's a humorous statement that doesn't mean anything. You can't lie to God - it's ridiculous.
The unexpected has happened so continually in my life that it has ceased to deserve the name.
Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.
Music is like girlfriends to me; I'm continually astonished by the choices other people make.
When I'm writing a lyric, things can only get so serious before they start becoming humorous.
Marriage is like a violin. After the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached.
Yes. I guess it's the foolish romantic in me, but you see, I don’t think that sex is my Muse.
I feel that there is reason lurking in you somewhere, so we will patiently grope round for it.
There's no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery. You can't do any business from there.
There is no such passion in human nature, as the passion for gravy among commercial gentlemen.
Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
People process pain differently. My family, we were pretty humorous about things that went on.
To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.
When audience expect only humorous roles from me, my roles will become cliche and predictable.
Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.
My mentor said, 'Let's go do it', not 'You go do it'. How powerful when someone says, 'Let's!'
I think it would be totally inappropriate for me to even contemplate what I am thinking about.
I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.
Sex has been around for a long time. You may not believe this, but it was around before I was.
Men love a joke - on the other fellow. But your really humorous woman loves a joke on herself.
Modern air travel means less time spent in transit. That time is now spent in transit lounges.
England is a very popular foreign country to visit because the people there speak some English.
I love humorous games. I love to laugh, and I think it's a really great way to attract players.
Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college.
I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.
Everything serious that he says is a joke and everything humorous that he says is dead serious.
He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry attacks democracy itself.
I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.
Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.
How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican.
Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?
A jury too often has at least one member more ready to hang the panel than to hang the traitor.
"I feel like, like pudding," Iggy groaned. "Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain."
I don't at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited.