Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).
I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them?
He has denied what has happened. His sworn statements have denied what has happened.
You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you better know something.
I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.
The tenderest spot in a man's make-up is sometimes the bald spot on top of his head.
Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.
Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.
Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
Celebrity is death - celebrity - that's the worst thing that can happen to an actor.
I see all. I hear all. I know all. And I spend a great deal of time in the bathroom.
Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.
I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for.
John Connally's conversion to the GOP raised the intellectual level of both parties.
A car is useless in New York, essential everywhere else. The same with good manners.
What medicines do not heal, the lance will; what the lance does not heal, fire will.
People are your most valuable asset. Only people can be made to appreciate in value.
Cultivate a sense of humour. From a humorous point of view this lunch is rather good.
When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
The house was as empty as a beer closet in premises where painters have been at work.
People who know little are usually great talkers, while men who know much say little.
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.
Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.
Quebec from the boat looked like the ramparts where Hamlet's ghost might have walked.
As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
When you are dealing with a child, keep all your wits about you, and sit on the floor.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I favor the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and it must be enforced at gunpoint if necessary.
There isn't any finer folks living than a Republican that votes the Democratic ticket.
If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it.
She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.
There is almost no topic that can't benefit from being talked about in a humorous way.
The biggest liar in the world is the golfer who claims he plays the game for exercise.
There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
The world's strongest animals are plant eaters. Gorillas, Buffaloes, Elephants and me.
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
Sygmnd was a poor Austrian who'd lost all the vowels in his name in a boating accident.
If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking.
Government is like junior high. Your status depends upon whom you're able to persecute.
"Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting."
A German singer! I should as soon expect to get pleasure from the neighing of my horse.
Oh, we're playing nice now? Shall we have tea first? Brew up a nice pot of kiss-my-ass?
In Tantric Zen you can be humorous and make fun of anything or you can be very serious.
Might I trouble you to open the window, for chloroform vapour does not help the palate.
I used to like humorous people in the past, but these days, I like serious people more.
If a President of the United States ever lied to the American people, he should resign.
The principal benefit acting has afforded me is the money to pay for my psychoanalysis.
I wonder whether if I had an education I should have been more or less a fool that I am.