Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
The notion of a record is an obsolete remnant of the days of the 80-column card.
In my mind, there is nothing so illiberal, and so ill-bred, as audible laughter.
Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.
It's all right for a perfect stranger to kiss your hand as long as he's perfect.
Why do they bother saying "raw sewage"? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
If I paid ten dollars for a cigar, first I'd make love to it, then I'd smoke it.
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
I hope we're not just human garbage drifting toward a big sewer. But I think so.
Dressing is a matter of taste, and I've met very few Republicans with good taste.
We're not talking about a few rooms here with delicate personal matters involved.
Israeli murderers are called "commandos," Arab commandos are called "terrorists."
Life is too short to miss out on the beautiful things like a double cheeseburger.
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
There are no grades of vanity; there are only grades of ability in concealing it.
Well, it may be humorous to you, but it’s a very serious matter to the squirrels.
If you talk to God, you are praying; If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.
There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a pencilling
The Church has always been willing to swap off treasures in heaven for cash down.
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman.
If a little is great, and a lot is better, then way too much is just about right!
Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the answer somewhere else.
Tax reform means, "Don't tax you, don't tax me. Tax that fellow behind the tree."
I love bald men. Just because you've lost your fuzz don't mean you ain't a peach.
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
Flying from the United States to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.
There are two kinds of statistics, the kind you look up and the kind you make up.
All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow.
Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
In modern America, food is abundant everywhere except aboard commercial airplanes.
A literary academic can no more pass a bookstore than an alcoholic can pass a bar.
A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.
The stupider the regime the more intelligent the people get and the more humorous.
The only possible conclusion the social sciences can draw is: some do, some don't.
Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.
The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.
I think I did a lot of humorous films when I was young, and they were No. 1 films.
PL/1, the fatal disease, belongs more to the problem set than to the solution set.
I don't have a fear of heights. I do, however, have a fear of falling from heights.
Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest.
Manage by exception.Only require reporting when there is a deviation from the plan.
Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont.
I was able to read poets that were - allowed me to be humorous without being silly.
Doctors will have more lives to answer for in the next world than even we generals.
You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them.
Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast.
The thing about Black Eyed Peas is we're very humorous. All we do is laugh all day.
The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink.
... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar.
A perfect method of adding drama to life is to wait until the deadline looms large.
The place was so British, I wouldn't have been surprised if the mice wore monocles.