Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.
When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.
Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.
Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.
Tell me about yourself - your struggles, your dreams, your telephone number.
I don't do what I'm told, but I might do what you want if you ask me nicely.
There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.
These days many politicians are demanding change. Just like homeless people.
Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
Mary's mouth cost her nothing for she never opens it but at others' expense.
It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?
The English may not like music, but they absolutely love the noise it makes.
For years, humorous characters in cartoons have been almost exclusively male.
Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not nailed down.
I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
He's too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie.
That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.
Democracy is the process by which people choose the man who'll get the blame.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous.
If "ifs" and "ands" were pots and pans, there'd be no work for tinkers' hands
No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating.
You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.
I'm so far gone that I'm telling the truth. It sounds like a foreign language.
Meanwhile, fears of universal disaster sank to an all time low over the world.
I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor.
If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more thought.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!
I never wanted to go on stage alone because if you mess up, who can you blame?
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
You spend all your life trying to do something they put people in asylums for.
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
Today's parents grew up with the silly notion that music was meant to be heard.
I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
I see you're a man with ideals. I better be going before you've still got them.
A clever, imaginative, humorous request can open closed doors and closed minds.
Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
What a fine weather today! Can’t choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.
Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack.
Sometimes the person who is the most logical is the person whom we call insane.
Learn to help people with more than just their jobs: help them with their lives.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
Touch her, and I'll freeze your testicles off and put them in a jar. Understand?
The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.