Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
Thank you so much for breaking my heart because you got me four Grammys.
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
We are masters of the unsaid words, but slaves of those we let slip out.
It is inconceivable that anyone could say we have tried to hide anything
I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly
There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
I am committed to curbing the influence of money in our political system.
Nicknames stick to people, and the most ridiculous are the most adhesive.
I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.
If America cannot win a war in a week, it begins negotiating with itself.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
That fellow seems to me to possess but one idea, and that is a wrong one.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants.
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
Sex is the Universal Language in which nobody speaks; they don't have to.
The poor have little; beggars, none; the rich, too much; enough, not one.
Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?
A gentleman need not know Latin, but he should at least have forgotten it.
There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.
I don't mind flying. I always pass out before the plane leaves the ground.
I'm telling you that at eight she knew more about reproduction than Xerox.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
It is an old prerogative of kings to govern everything but their passions.
Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name.
A person who combs his hair over his bald spot, hoping no one will notice.
How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton?
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
You have to have been a Republican to know how good it is to be a Democrat.
Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange.
Stuffed animals are sad and scary; they have humorous and tragic qualities.
I use humour a lot. My foundation is tragic, but my appearance is humorous.
What we love about love is the fever, which marriage puts to bed and cures.
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
It seems that for success in science or art, a dash of autism is essential.
I take full responsability...for what we did. It was the right thing to do.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
It don't make much difference what you study, so long as you don't like it.
Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.
If a person wants to be atheistic it's his God-given right to be an atheist.
An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.
In the majority of cases, conscience is an elastic and very flexible article
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.