Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
It is time to stop personal destruction and prying into private lives
I'm just trying to suppress my natural impulses and get back to work.
A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry to a woman.
My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking.
Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.
Reinforce what you want to see repeated.What gets rewarded gets done.
One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
I pledge that I have no intention of raising taxes in my second term.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
Clinton's an unusually good liar. Unusually Good. Do you realize that?
I trust that age doth not wither nor custom stale my infinite variety.
Whenever anyone says, 'theoretically', they really mean, 'not really'.
Ladies who play with fire must remember that smoke gets in their eyes.
The purpose of education is to replace an empty mind with an open one.
Germans respond well to lies. At least, they always have historically.
The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
No one can have everything, so you have to try for what you want most.
You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog.
You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.
A God who cannot smile, could not have created this humorous universe.
The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself.
If all else fails immortality can always be assured by adequate error.
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.
I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me.
New York has always been going to hell but somehow it never gets there.
I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.
Our first stop was red square, the heart of Moscow - if Moscow has one.
Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.
I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.
It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.
I believe he [Saddam Hussein] wants a better relationship with America.
I really can't think about kissing when I've got a rebellion to incite.
Okay everybody, line up in alphabetical order according to your height.
I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.
Of course God enjoys a good prank as much as the next infallible deity.
I consider myself a bit of a comedian. I write a lot of humorous songs.
You can only govern men by serving them. The rule is without exception.
Money is like manure; it’s not worth a thing unless it’s spread around.
I'd rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort.
Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth.
A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns.
A Christmas tree--the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead.
It's just as unpleasant to get more than you bargain for as to get less.
I like things that are sort of comic and humorous rather than satirical.
Insomnia: A contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.
Every Harvard class should have one Democrat to rescue it from oblivion.