Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen.
Never complain, never explain personal motto of
I think the humor of double puns is incredible.
Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wiseguy' opposites?
Canoe + waterfall = I don't go camping anymore.
You gotta laugh because if you didn't you'd cry
Rich Folkers is throwing 'em up in the bullpen.
... years of insanity have made this guy crazy!
The ACLU's got to take a lot of blame for this.
My life is part humor, part roses, part thorns.
Comedy is tragedy that happens to other people.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
Larry Moffett is 6' 3". Last year he was 6" 6".
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
... some of the best sex I can barely remember.
Never try and go on a solo mission on your own.
Finley is going over to get a new piece of bat.
At the end, excitement maintained its hysteria.
No periods. If you sneeze, the carpet's ruined.
People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick?
He is like a female llama surprised in her bath.
I don't pull out because... it's not my problem.
Life is full of risks anyway; why not take them?
McCovey swings and misses, and it's fouled back.
Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!
My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
Hrabosky looks fierce in that Fu Manchu haircut.
Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
The stupidity of one brain multiplied by twelve.
I think there is some methodology in my travels.
Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
Age is of no importance unless you are a cheese.
I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.
Home is important. Its important to have a home.
I think comedy is the hardest art form there is.
Neither in French nor in English nor in Mexican.
There's a shot up the alley. Oh, it's just foul.
I can't eat spaghetti. There's too many of them.
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
First of all, i'm not an actor - I'm an asshole.
I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.
Throwing acid is wrong... in some people's eyes.
Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully.
I used to do drugs, but that was way back there.
Men forget everything; women remember everything.
I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.
Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.