Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
Sometimes I get really lonely. Especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee.
Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough.
If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.
A good laugh makes any interview, or any conversation, so much better.
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Be as a tower firmly set; Shakes not its top for any blast that blows.
I couldn't be two faced. If I had two faces, I wouldn't wear this one.
I am a great believer that what makes our show different is the humor.
My sense of humor has saved me more than a couple of times in my life.
being funny is a way of being liked and a way of dealing with sadness.
When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands.
There is a mandate to impose a voluntary return to traditional values.
As you can see, I speak many languages, including the language of sex.
I seated ugliness on my knee, and almost immediately grew tired of it.
Have a sense of humor about life - you will need it. And be courteous.
The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.
We are able to laugh when we achieve detachment, if only for a moment.
I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.
I'm not too modest of a person. I've got a pretty blue sense of humor.
At least black people knew when they were slaves; you remain clueless.
Larry Lintz steals second standing up. He slid, but he didn't have to.
Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?
Bad humor is an evasion of reality; good humor is an acceptance of it.
The most important job is not to be governor, or first lady in my case.
I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two million dollars.
That big guy, Winfield, at 6'6", can do things only a small man can do.
The really important things are said over cocktails and are never done.
He comes back with the script, and it's racist like a 1940's Newspaper.
Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.
There are worse occupations in this world than feeling a woman's pulse.
The United States is the greatest law factory the world has ever known.
Think about scary movies: There's a fine line between horror and humor.
Be amusing: never tell unkind stories; above all, never tell long ones.
Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful.
I come from a family of musicians. Even the sewing machine is a Singer.
I've never had a problem with drugs. I've had problems with the police.
I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective.
A Cannibal is a person who walks into a restaurant and orders a waiter.
One of the things that binds us as a family is a shared sense of humor.
Whoever wants to be a Christian should tear the eyes out of his reason.
Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently.
And for my family, comedically, that was the key to a lot of the humor.
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
Gossip columnists are diseases, like 'flu. Everyone is subject to them.
Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!
Many a man is saved from being a thief by finding everything locked up.
No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.
[Andrew Jackson] was actually 70 years old when he left the White House