Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.
I appreciate humor so much, but I'm actually not a funny girl.
You always have two choices: your commitment versus your fear.
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.
Silence is foolish if we are wise, but wise if we are foolish.
But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.
I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.
If the gods have no sense of humor they must weep a great deal.
If Lincoln were alive today, he'd be turning over in his grave.
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
everybody fancies they have that rare thing, a sense of humour.
One time, I was so hungry, I ate the beans in a bean bag chair.
I ate one anchovy, and that is why I did not eat two anchovies.
Humor is so important to the American scene throughout history.
I'm proud to be part of a generation where reading is a 'look.'
If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.
It turns out your not dyslexic, your just really really stupid.
Why do I have to feed the kids? They just ate twelve hours ago!
If everybody's thinking the same thing, then nobody's thinking.
It's important I surround myself with people who make me happy.
My pan plays down an unprecedented amount of our national debt.
Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!"
We take the shortest route to the puck and arrive in ill humor.
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
Nothing is like it seems, but everything is exactly like it is.
When you have an efficient government, you have a dictatorship.
It's odd how violence and humor so often go together, isn't it?
I like the brooding man - a brooding man with a sense of humor.
People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
Are you recycling? Are you!? You just killed a polar bear! YOU!
One good thing about being locked in a cage: No responsibility!
I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.
Get a in clothes dryer with Magic Johnson and some razorblades.
You have to have a sense of humor about life to get through it.
Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
Don't pay any attention to the critics; don't even ignore them.
All higher humor begins with ceasing to take oneself seriously.
Vomit and feces are two reason I have decided not to procreate.
And how can you be happy if you don't laugh or appreciate humor?
I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?
I wish his music came out of the closet and admit that it sucks.
Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?
After all, religion has been around a lot longer than Darwinism.
The thing that I fear discriminating against is humor and truth.
I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine