Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
If ever an error had "F" written on it, that grounder did.
Think of something to make the ridiculous look ridiculous.
Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.
The ex-left-hander Dave Roberts will be going for Houston.
How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?
And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.
Old florists never die. They just make other arrangements.
Shirley and Griffey get along like a rattler and a parrot.
All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Canada is not the party. Its the apartment above the party.
I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
Comedians are not usually actors, but imitations of actors.
If you want to talk to me after the show, I'd be surprised.
Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
Look for the ridiculous in everything and you will find it.
When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
People of humor are always in some degree people of genius.
If I can't see the humor in it, how am I going to be funny?
If 13 is unlucky, then 12 and 14 are guilty by association.
I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.
Eric Show will be 0 for 10 if that pop fly ever comes down.
The man who tells me an indelicate story does me an injury.
An uncontrolled sense of humor is often costly in business.
Edwards missed getting Stearns at third base by an eyeball.
Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time.
Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.
James Lipton: The most pompous arrogant failure in history.
A little perspective, like a little humor, goes a long way.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.
If there's one thing I know it's God does love a good joke.
Have you ever thought about letting Cheesus into your Life?
Celebrate your successes. Find some humor in your failures.
I'm not really big on slapstick humor. I like gentle humor.
A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles.
Humor and knowledge are the two great hopes of our culture.
God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.
Governor Bush will not stand for the subsidation of failure.
I hope you slip in a puddle of AIDS and crack your head open
Sometimes the best cure for life’s woes is a sense of humor.
I think God gave us senses of humor, and we should use them.
The only cats worth anything are the cats that take chances.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying.