Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting, and there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and laughter abundant.
True humor springs not more from the head than from the heart. It is not contempt; its essence is love. It issues not in laughter, but in still smiles, which lie far deeper.
Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.
Humour is the weapon of unarmed people: it helps people who are oppressed to smile at the situation that pains them.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
The habit of being happy enables one to be freed, or largely freed, from the domination of outward conditions.
The basis of optimism is sheer terror.
No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise.
Good nature is worth more than knowledge, more than money, more than honor, to the persons who possess it.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
Baloney is flattery laid on so thick it cannot be true, and blarney is flattery so thin we love it.
Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!
Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
I like humor.
Humor is healing.
I like good humor.
I read the newspaper.
The status quo sucks.
I lost a button hole.
Shut the door, Wales.
Please don't kill me!
I took a baby shower.
Follow your own weird.
Humor is wit and love.
Clones are people two.
Never moon a werewolf.
It's a funny old world.
Yes, about ten minutes.
He can be lethal death.
Mirth is God's medicine.
I'm a mischievous drunk.
Oh, to be seventy again!
Gags die, humor doesn't.
I quite like dark humor.
I washed mud off of mud.
Humor is my default mode.
Thank God for Darwin, eh?
Humor is reason gone mad.
Wit is cultured insolence.
Hi folks, I'm Gerry Gross!
Happiness is a warm puppy.
How can I die? I'm booked.
If I had blood, I'd blush.
Clumsy jesting is no joke.
"No comment" is a comment.
What a great hitch to pit!
