Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
No ideas and the ability to express them - that's a journalist.
I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody.
Dublin university contains the cream of Ireland: Rich and thick.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.
Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.
I love any movie that has a retarded person working at Starbucks.
How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.
We are just the most twisted, sick, hilarious people that I know.
Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?
God gives us our relatives – thank God we can choose our friends.
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Steve Buscemi is hilarious. He's really, really good with improv.
I like stepping into the future. Therefore, I look for doorknobs.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
I'll watch Ricky Gervais in anything he does. The guy's hilarious.
I think it's hilarious if people say that my body looks masculine.
I love French and English bulldogs. They're hilarious and adorable.
A conclusion is the place you get to when you’re tired of thinking.
If you even dream of beating me you'd better wake up and apologize.
I'm all about being self-deprecating because I think it's hilarious.
A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to take it off of you.
Fat jokes aren't relevant, but they're hilarious when you find them.
It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.
The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.
Look how often the unexpected happens - yet we still never expect it.
Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
There is no female Mozart because there is no female Jack the Ripper.
When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
In my personal life, I'm hilarious! I was always a bit of a jokester.
I know my life is full of awkward pauses, and I think it's hilarious.
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
On one issue, at least, men and women agree. They both distrust women.
Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched.
All pretty girls are a trap, a pretty trap, and men expect them to be.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
Something that's a hilarious comedy, for someone else might be a drama.
Why not try thinking of your life as hilarious rather than nightmarish?
I've never thrown a javelin. What kind of sport is that? It's hilarious.
I think Noah Hawley's writing is hilarious, and I love a good dark joke.
It's hilarious to see guys wearing a headband with 'I'm a Hugger' on it.
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.
A husband is what is left of a lover, after the nerve has been extracted.
A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.
Girls, if a boy says something that isn't funny, you don't have to laugh.