Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going, because you might not get there.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.
We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Women are hilarious.
Koreans are hilarious.
I'm actually hilarious.
Little Mix are hilarious.
They misunderestimated me.
The limited circle is pure.
Coffee isn't my cup of tea.
Don't worry, I'm hilarious.
Thou art a very ragged Wart.
I want to focus on my salad.
When mice run, cats give chase.
I thought Europe was a country?
I think Carrot Top is hilarious.
Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.
Is this chicken or is this fish?
What are you looking at sugar-tits?
A boo is a lot louder than a cheer.
[Thine] face is not worth sunburning.
Mindy Kaling is so smart and hilarious.
I think Kanye West is a hilarious writer.
I still love her. But she's retarded, too.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
I've had great success being a total idiot.
Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
My life is an open book. With illustrations.
I thought 'Pineapple Express' was hilarious.
I find myself in pretty hilarious situations.
My son thinks I'm hilarious, but he's only 1.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
If you want a friend in Washington, buy a dog.
The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off.
I'm the bad guy in WWE, which I find hilarious.
I've had a lot of hilarious things happen to me.
When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Eternity is really long, especially near the end.
Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
I don't want to be alone, I want to be left alone.
Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.
