Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
He was of the faith chiefly in the sense that the church he currently did not attend was Catholic.
Life is too short to spend hoping that the perfectly arched eyebrow or hottest new lip shade will mask an ugly heart.
In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular.
Life is short, and it is here to be lived.
Life itself still remains a very effective therapist.
I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.
Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
When a true genius appears, you can know him by this sign: that all the dunces are in a confederacy against him.
No man was ever so completely skilled in the conduct of life, as not to receive new information from age and experience.
New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.
Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid.
When you talk like an asshole and look like an asshole, you're an asshole
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Maturity does not always come with age; sometimes age comes alone.
You don't get paid for the hour. You get paid for the value you bring to the hour.
What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise.
Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution.
Where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason to fear I may be wrong?
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.
You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.
If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.
Nature, time and patience are three great physicians.
If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses.
Live your life, do your work, then take your hat.
When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.
If I ever mary, it will be on a suddn impulse - as aman shoots himself
I want to go ahead of Father Time with a scythe of my own.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
The traveler sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he has come to see.
Nobody uses his car in New York, because so many people use it that traffic is congested and unbearably slow.
Everyone smiles in the same language.
Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
Every man over forty is a scoundrel.
Baloney is flattery laid on so thick it cannot be true, and blarney is flattery so thin we love it.
You don't run 26 miles at five minutes a mile on good looks and a secret recipe.
You'd be amazed how much research you can get done when you have no life whatsoever.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Never have more children than you have car windows.
A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them.
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
When people ask me what 'American Pie' means, I tell them it means I don't ever have to work again if I don't want to.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.
