Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
It ain't the heat, it's the humility.
Life is like Sanskrit read to a pony.
Polite conversation is rarely either.
Small gestures can have a big impact.
My best training came from my father.
As for our majority... one is enough.
I am an only child. I have one sister.
And there's the man in the green flag!
Do they give Pulitzers for tweets yet?
I read part of it all the way through.
Biography lends to death a new terror.
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
One man's folly is another man's wife.
When I was born I owed twelve dollars.
Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.
A fool and her money are soon courted.
Write it down in your own handwriting.
The funniest things are the forbidden.
A fool and his money are soon elected.
You look like a horse in a man costume
I am only human, although I regret it.
Successful crimes alone are justified.
Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.
Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.
Dumb as a drum vith a hole in it, sir.
Dear me! I must be turning into a god.
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
Speech is the small change of silence.
What do gardeners do when they retire?
Every law is an infraction of liberty.
Laughter is the fireworks of the soul.
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
The weasel under the cocktail cabinet.
What's it like kissing Taylor Lautner.
Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
As I get older, I just prefer to knit.
At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
I didn't really say everything I said.
You know what's funny to me? Attitude.
My arms are too short to box with God.
Beauty is less important than quality.
Kent Abbott is in the on-deck circuit.
Insanity destroys reason, but not wit.
Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
Our comedies are not to be laughed at.
Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
The ballgame is over...in this inning.
It's better to be a dictator than gay.
I have actually five honorary degrees.
Did you write the words, or the lyrics?