Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Lust is the sin that gets me excited. Luckily, because I'm married, I also get really good jewelry out of it.
We don't love qualities, we love persons; sometimes by reason of their defects as well as of their qualities.
An affair now and then is good for a marriage. It adds spice, stops it from getting boring... I ought to know.
There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will.
Marriage is nature's way of ensuring that a woman picks up some mothering experience before she has her first child.
Tomorrow, Trubshawe, I am going to get married again, thereby quite possibly making the greatest mistake of my life.
I've done a lot of Fox shows since then - Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things.
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Sex when you're married is like going to the 7-Eleven: There's not much variety, but at three in the morning, it's always there.
I didn't plan on being a comedian. I didn't plan on getting married and I didn't plan on having kids, but I did all those things.
Neither of us entered marriage thinking it wouldn't be a strain. Life has strains in it, and he's the person I want to strain with.
I didn't know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it's a musical.
Marriage is like retiring as a bachelor and getting a sexual pension. You don't have to work for the sex any more, but you only get 65% as much.
If we (Lauren and Jim) ever get married, we're just going to put helmets on, run into each other from a hundred yards, and smash together like rams
Equal partnerships are not made in heaven-they are made on earth, one choice at a time, one conversation at a time, one threshold crossing at a time.
There once was an old man of Lyme who married three wives at a time when asked, 'Why a third?' he replied 'One's absurd! and bigamy, sir, is a crime!'
Marriage is sanctified when it is cherished and honored in holiness. That union is not merely between husband and wife; it embraces a partnership with God.
Sex in marriage is like medicine. Three times a day for the first week. Then once a day for another week. Then once every three or four days till the condition clears up.
The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'
According to a new study, women in satisfying marriages are less likely to develop cardiovascular diseases than unmarried women. So don't worry, lonely women, you'll be dead soon.
I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding. You can't be reminded of your own funeral because it hasn't happened. But weddings always make me cry.
One good yardstick as to whether a person might be the right one for you is this: in her presence, do you think your noblest thoughts, do you aspire to your finest deeds, do you wish you were better than you are?
I always said if I ever get married, I would tell my woman - I love Michael Jordan, I am a Michael Jordan fanatic - I said, 'Michael Jordan is the only athlete you can sleep with and I wouldn't get mad, as long as you got something signed. You gotta bring back a ball, a hat or something. You can't just give away that sh*t for free.'
Professional marriage counselors agree that the most productive and mature way to deal with marital anger is to stomp dramatically from the room. You want to make your move before the opponent does, because the first person to stomp from the room receives valuable Argument Points that can be redeemed for exciting merchandise at the Marital Prize Redemption Center.