Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
The most important thing to do in your life is to not interfere with somebody else's life.
Every time I get something under control in my own life, the world provides more material.
Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.
I try not to worry about the future - so I take each day just one anxiety attack at a time.
It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. -T-Shirt
I'm more financially successful, but it just means the shopping blunders I make are bigger now.
Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.
If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently.
Airplane Law, The: When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
First, I blow a hole in your face; then I go back inside, and sleep like a baby... I guarantee you.
What you discover about life’s shell game is that it’s hardest to follow the pea when you’re the pea.
Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.
Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.
There is only one immutable law in life - in a gentleman's toilet, incoming traffic has the right of way.
Luck is a very thin wire between survival and disaster, and not many people can keep their balance on it.
There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
It was almost funny. Life seemed downright accidental in its brevity, and death a punch line to a lousy joke.
If I can sell tickets to my movies like Red Sonja or Last Action Hero, you know I can sell just about anything.
The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
I consider myself a crayon... I may not be your favorite color but one day you'll need me to complete your picture.
Darling, when things go wrong in life, you lift your chin, put on a ravishing smile, mix yourself a little cocktail.
So, if you feel a smile begin, don't leave it undetected, let's start an epidemic quick, and get the world infected!
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
These things sneak up on him for no reason, these flashes of irrational happiness. It's probably a vitamin deficiency.
God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind that I will never die.
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask why me? Then a voice answers nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.
People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.
Often it takes some calamity to make us live in the present. Then suddenly we wake up and see all the mistakes we have made.
If life is just a highway, then the soul is just a car. And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are.
It's paradoxical, that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone.
When asked "If you could meet any famous person living or dead," I always ask whether the dead person would be alive again when I meet them.
Life is a crowded superhighway with bewildering cloverleaf exits on which a man is liable to find himself speeding back in the direction he came.
I don't like driving very much. That makes me very unhappy, because I scream a lot in the car, but other than that, life is actually pretty good.
I am irritated by my own writing. I am like a violinist whose ear is true, but whose fingers refuse to reproduce precisely the sound he hears within.
If you don't understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child.
A cousin of mine who was a casualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me that he and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers: Donors. Rather chilling.
Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I'm not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times you've felt that way.
I think all good drama is funny. All the best drama is ultimately very funny. Life is funny. You can't have any honest treatise on life without bumping into some humor.
Life is just a bowl of cherries, don't take it serious, its mysterious. Life is just a bowl of cherries, so live and laugh and laugh at love, love a laugh, laugh and love.
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.
it's a funny life. Either you don't make a red cent and you have all the time in the world, or else you get double the money and you don't have a moment to spend a penny of it.
I came into this world black, naked and ugly. And no matter how much I accumulate here, it's a short journey. I will go out of this world black, naked and ugly. So I enjoy life.
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
God knows life sucks. It's right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, "I can't take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me."
Life is funny. Life isn’t categorized into comedy, drama, action, is it?So I don’t know why they try to categorize everything. It drives me crazy-why it would have to be just a romantic comedy or…I want to have a little integrity, a little story, you know