Funny Christmas Quotes - Page 1

Peace on earth will come to stay, When we live Christmas every day.
Helen Steiner Rice / Writer
Christmas
Smile
Xmas
Earth
Funny Christmas
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One can never have enough socks
J. K. Rowling / Novelist
Christmas
Smile
Enough
Funny Christmas
Merry Christmas
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What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
Arlo Guthrie / Singer-Songwriter
Funny Christmas
Humorous
Smoking
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Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
Andy Borowitz / Writer
Baby
Cute Christmas
Funny Christmas
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Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
Andy Borowitz / Writer
Funny Christmas
Helping
Sweaters
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I have had a holiday, and I'd like to take it up professionally.
Kylie Minogue / Singer
Travel
Funny Christmas
Holiday
Professionally
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Last Christmas someone stole my present. I've spent this year living in the past.
Terry Alderton / Comedian
Funny Christmas
Past
Years
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Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.
Douglas Coupland / Novelist
Birthday
Smile
Free Time
Funny Christmas
Handmade
Scary
Too Much
Presents
Reveal
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No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.
Erma Bombeck / Column Author
Running
Funny Christmas
Mother
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Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.
Andy Borowitz / Writer
Celebrate
Funny Christmas
Littles
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Mankind is a great, an immense family... This is proved by what we feel in our hearts at Christmas.
Pope John Xxiii /
Christmas
Smile
Xmas
Funny Christmas
Heart
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Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
Publilius Syrus / Writer
Women
Believe
Funny Christmas
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I love Christmas, not just because of the presents but because of all the decorations and lights and the warmth of the season.
Ashley Tisdale / Actress
Christmas
Smile
Funny Christmas
Light
Merry Christmas
Warmth
Just Because
Lights
Presents
Season
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Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times.
Kate Langley Bosher / Novelist
Christmas
Smile
Funny Christmas
Lonely
Mind
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The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
P. J. O'rourke / Satirist
Inspirational
New Year
Behavior
Clever
Drunk
Funny Christmas
Holiday
Holiday Season
Married
Eve
Proper
Season
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My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.
Dave Barry / Author
Funny Christmas
Giving
Wife
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The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: "Some assembly required."
John Leo / Writer
Government
Dumb
Funny Christmas
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This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox.
Anthony Jeselnik / Comedian
Xbox
Funny Christmas
Girlfriend
Past
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We have a small, tight family. I left home at a young age and the best thing for me was to go home at Christmas-time and spend time with my family and friends. It's kind of funny, most people do turkey and all the trimmings, but we would have a big seafood festival because it's the only time of the year that we'd eat it. We never really went caroling, but once in a while we'd got out for a sleigh ride
Jimmy Roy / Ice Hockey Player
Home
Funny Christmas
Years
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Funny Christmas Quotes - Page 1

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