Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.
Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended.
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.
If exposure of body is modernism, then animals are more modern than humans.
If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you are going, because you might not get there.
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
I am not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.
I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it.
Serenity of spirit and turbulence of action should make up the sum of a man's life.
The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
The art of life is the art of avoiding pain.
I don't pretend to understand the Universe - it's a great deal bigger than I am.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.
Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.
If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard,' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
Time is long but life is short.
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said, "Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read"
How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars
You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.
Advice is like snow - the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper in sinks into the mind.
Strange to say what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition.
The harder I work, the luckier I get.
Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.
Life is always walking up to us and saying, "Come on in, the living's fine," and what do we do? Back off and take its picture.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
The dog is a yes-animal. Very popular with people who can't afford a yes man.
There is only one difference between a long life and a good dinner: that, in the dinner, the sweets come last.
We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.
The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.
It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of 30.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
