Deliverance is about what I went through the first time. And I chalk it up as a learning experience.
The first time I try anything is invariably not very successful. I tend to grow slowly, but solidly.
It's very different when you're reading a script to when you're watching a movie for the first time.
the first time you are reconciled to the terrible unfairness of disappointment, you are getting old.
There's a special gut-check moment the first time you write a scene in which somebody casts a spell.