Comedian Quotes - Page 8

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Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'

Being a comedian is like being a con man. You have to make 'em like you before you can fool 'em.

One of my first jobs was on a lesbian cruise. I was the ship comedian for the Lesbian Love Boat.

I'm such a comedy fan that I just love laughing and so admire comedians who have brought me joy.

I've always thought of myself as an African-American comedian, African-American man, everything.

I have not moved out of the comedian's box into the news box. The news box is moving towards me.

What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.

I never really thought of myself as a sex goddess; I felt I was more a comedian who could dance.

If you think something's funny, go with that. Most comedians pull jokes from a place of honesty.

As a comedian I appreciate every kind of comedy. You decide for yourself what you're going to do.

I believe in fate. I didn't set out to be a comedian at first. I'm still not sure if I am or not.

The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

A comedian needs to have his own filters, needs to know his audience, how far he can push things.

Comedian sort of enjoys the darkness because, essentially, he's a thug. He's just not a nice guy.

It's annoying when people do that so-called comedians impression of me when it's stupid nonsense.

I have what we call a 'symphony act.' I'm the only comedian, I think, in the country that does it.

Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.

Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.

I begged the universe to make me a famous comedian, and it did. So I tend not to ask for any more.

If Mandela were a comedian, I bet he would never get mad at a heckler, he'd give him or her a hug.

There really is no Johnny Carson anymore. There is no one place a comedian can appear and explode.

When you get on a comedy show, people assume you're a comedian. I'd say I'm more of a comedy nerd.

To be a comedian: Make peace with the fact that you will never be as funny as a baby falling over.

My mom wanted me to be a youth pastor, and when I became a comedian, she said it was close enough.

For some comedians it feels so cool to be like: 'I'll say anything, man!'. I'm not quite there yet.

I never thought of myself as a comedian. That is a label - make me laugh. I want to make you think.

I don't have any horror stories of trying to start as a comedian and eating it constantly on stage.

I told them I wanted to be a comedian, and they laughed; I became a comedian, no one's laughing now

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I feel sorry for confetti. Its useful life lasts about two seconds. And it can never be used again.

A plumber doesn't change the way he plumbs when he has a kid. You're a comedian. This is your style.

Am I the Irish comedian with half a finger? No, I'm the Irish comedian with nine and a half fingers.

Being a rapper is about being cool, but being a comedian, you're not supposed to be the coolest guy.

But I will say that most comedians are the saddest people I know. That is the biggest paradox to me.

I come from the stage. I started my career as a stand-up comedian and then later on became an actor.

If you want to be a comedian, go out. Do a week in Des Moines, Iowa. Try to make those people laugh.

When I started, you didn't make a lot of money by being a comedian. You didn't get a lot of respect.

Louis CK went from a writer/comedian to winning Emmys for his own show because he works his ass off.

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians.

I think I'm just a comedian who's a pretty good con man, and I don't see that changing any time soon.

What really got my goat at MGM were comedians like The Marx Brothers who never wrote their own jokes.

Ever since I was a kid, I just loved those comedians on TV who would just have fun with the language.

All of my life doing interviews, comedy has been my favorite thing, comedians are my favorite people.

One night I attended a Laughing Liberally comedy show. There was one funny comedian there - Lee Camp.

I usually just say I'm a stand-up comedian, but I use looping machines to create ideas with my voice.

I am able to apply certain things to my craft that maybe other comedians don't, because I'm a devotee.

I hate when comedians use Performed For The Troops as one of there credits before they go up on stage.

Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'

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