Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
That's the beauty of being a comedian - it's the one job you're allowed to do that. We're lucky. We're really lucky.
My goal as a comedian is to sway people's opinion. It's not my only goal and it's not the only way I measure myself.
I wasn't planning on being a comedian; I just liked to laugh. Somebody said I should do it and that's how I started.
Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.
That's the thing that most people don't realize. In real life, comedians aren't funny. They save it. They save it up.
Even when you hear about a comedian getting married, among comedians, we're always kind of like, what are they doing?
In reality, as a comedian, you're successful because you're funny, and you should be able to be funny about anything.
If you became a comedian in the '80s, you had to work the circuit and make people laugh. Canned laughter is cheating.
If you are a New York comedian who knows how to improvise and has glasses, you're going to start getting commercials.
Comedians tend to find a comfort zone and stay there and do lamer versions of themselves for the rest of their career.
I think it's kind of crazy that we're still calling comedians "female comedians." That seems more like a sneak attack.
Before I was a comedian, I thought the coolest thing that would happen to me was being a teenager... Boy, was I wrong!
When I approach villains, unless it's a drama, I'm a comedian, so I approach most things from a comedic point of view.
I never predicted that I'd be a comedian, but it was something that came so naturally to me. I just felt good doing it.
I'm more likely to quote the golfer George Burns than the legendary late comedian by the same name who lived to be 100.
Every comedian feels out an audience. As you're telling jokes, if they're not laughing at this, you change the subject.
I'm a good counter comedian. I can just work it off with looks, or have something crazy to say back. That works for me.
If I've inadvertently become some sort of role model for failed comedians, then it's really backfired very badly on me.
Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.
I would have liked to be a comedian in the '20s, or maybe even a comedian on the Mayflower and have a statue somewhere.
I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian.
There are many comedians who are afraid to work outside the coasts and the casinos because they're afraid they'll bomb.
Comedians dissect jokes all the time. Comedians are beautiful structuralists. But ultimately it's an athletic endeavor.
I think it's a tough transition. It's easy to go from comedian to rapper, but to go from rapper to comedian is tougher.
I don't know any comedian who tailors his act to his audience. Maybe people say they do, but I can't even imagine them.
As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year.
I could be a comedian. I could be a gangster. I could play all of those parts, even for the first time... I'm versatile.
I was so depressed for so many years over trying to become a working comedian that my sense of self-worth would plummet.
August is the time when I can feel myself getting stronger as a comedian. I'm at the height of my powers come September.
Sometimes you watch comedians and feel like they're jerking off in front of you, but they want you to see how big it is.
My whole intention is to break down these limitations of what a black comedian is supposed to be and to open up a space.
Funny how women are ashamed of their inner fairy whereas men are forever proudly displaying their inner cowboy or fireman
I love mixing with comedians when I'm working with them, but when I'm not I don't feel the need to hang around with them.
I don't think of myself as funny - I don't fill up a room with my humor... I would fail miserably as a stand-up comedian.
I was just a young guy who was excited to become a comedian and an actor and I just wanted to get to do what I got to do.
Having worked as both comedian and crime writer, the one thing I know is that both involve the delivery of a performance.
That is the job of a comedian: To take unpleasant subject matter and forcibly, with his hands, wring the funny out of it.
Comedians sometimes forget that there's an audience. You gotta be conscious that you're performing for other human beings.
Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.
Nerd. One whose unbridled passion for something defines who they are as a person, without fear of other people's judgment.
Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being.
I could never be a professional comedian, 'cause you have to keep telling the same jokes. For me, they're like word solos.
Every group needs a comedian. A comic who is politically incorrect at the Berkeley campus might slay them at a Klan rally.
I'm a rap comedian the same way Bill Cosby is a jazz comedian, Cosby's laid back. I'm like, bang, bang bang, right into it.
To my knowledge, I was the first guy really to do what I do. And then later on different comedians started trying doing it.
Ricky Gervais would have you believe otherwise, but Sacha Baron Cohen is the most successful British comedian in the world.
What I love is getting a new joke, or a premise like a sketch idea or a movie idea. That's the best feeling for a comedian.
I'm not a comedian. And I'm not sick. The world is sick, and I'm the doctor. I'm a surgeon with a scalpel for false values.
When comedians get successful, the fans that they have aren't the fans they would hang out with. I don't have that problem.
In a more intellectually rigorous age, I wouldn't be talked about as a satirist at all. I would just be a topical comedian.