Life goes by fast. Enjoy it...Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.

My sex life has gone from bad to pathetic. My G spot stands for godforsaken.

I don't look at this as a religious based thing. To me this is energy based.

With a reality show, the bottom line is, there's no plot; there's no finale.

Sending us Ebola bombs in the form of sweaty Glaswegians just isn't cricket.

Living in the 'Big Brother' house is a bit like living in hell. Only hotter.

I hate when people are chomping their gum, even though I do it. I hate that.

I have great people working for me now. I surround myself with smart people.

I would say the dumbest thing I have heard is that my dad isn't my real dad.

I'm a little more shy and not comfortable dancing in front of a large crowd.

I definitely don't want to get married just for the sake of getting married.

Why is it appropriate for the President to use a racial slur in any context?

It's very hard to lose someone who's the closest person to you in your life.

I wouldn't include a piece in my collection that I wouldn't wear personally.

It's not as if I can just pop on my show and be rude if I've had a hard day.

I'm trying to build an empire, because after this, I cannot get a normal job

I learned that buying expensive furniture with toddlers around is pointless.

A year from now, you're gonna weigh more or less than what you do right now.

When you allow a person's words to upset you, you're giving away your power.

If I could be anyone, I'd choose the lead singer of Arcade Fire, Win Butler.

Radio is the theater of the mind; television is the theater of the mindless.

Just as with cars, it's critical to know the fuel efficiency of black holes.

Yeah, I'm a thrill seeker, but crikey, education's the most important thing.

My most difficult class at Harvard Business School would have to be finance.

I think of dystopian as 'Mad Max,' as 'Book of Eli,' as the world is ending.

When I was having that alphabet soup, I never thought that it would pay off.

When it comes to designer, you can't beat Victoria Beckham. I love her stuff.

Never ever give up, even, and especially, when there is no chance of winning.

He has painted many roses for me. My walls are covered with Howard originals.

I don't have children, so I can focus on my mission to save helpless animals.

In many ways, being pregnant and working were more difficult than motherhood.

I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but that's the great part: I don't have to be.

I'm always attracted to the hottest boy in the room and that never works out.

I'm not really deep enough to have enough to think about for fifteen minutes.

It's hard to expose your personal life publicly, and everyone has an opinion.

Chemo gets all the notoriety, but for me, radiation was really the tough one.

All the older men are going for younger women, leaving the women with no one.

I don't like the way my hair looks, so we're going to do the whole show over.

We are all better served by objectively diagnosing trolls so they can change.

Actors seem brave and unpredictable, but they're spontaneous as a tax return.

Liver is my number one most hated food. Oh, God, I get sick talking about it!

I love to cook for people. It's my honor, honestly. It's what I have to give.

Losing my sister to cancer was... That was the worst thing in the world, man.

If you use it intelligently, Twitter can be a form of engineered serendipity.

I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

I am a little boy but I am going to do something really big in times to come.

Classes teaching you how to breathe. I'm 32, I think I've got the hang of it.

I think overweight people are lazy and that they are bankrupting the country.

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