Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I don't think of myself of a late-show host any more than I think of myself of a game-show host. I mean, I've done both, I've been an actor. I'm just kind of a carny, that's it.
The president met with BP CEO Tony Hayward, and Obama was demanding that BP clean up the Gulf. And I'm thinking, good luck. They can't even clean up their gas station restrooms.
John F. Kennedy loved America. He was proud to be an American. And you'd call that politician JFK. That's who he was. He was not in any way a liberal as you know liberals today.
Barack Obama is not only going to reside in Washington and be on call, essentially, with the Drive-By Media, he's setting up what essentially is going to be a shadow government.
I think Donald Trump is gonna continue to unravel as much of the Barack Obama agenda as he can, and I think he's gonna continue to wipe the floor with Democrats wherever he can.
There are ways for what has been going on at that foundation and the Clinton Global Initiative, there are ways that that can be exposed and embarrass and humiliate and all that.
I can understand people wanting to look their best, and taking basic steps to do it, but I kind of admire people who are comfortable enough in their own skin to be who they are.
[John Carlos] has spent much of his life since that time as a dedicated human rights advocate and public speaker, and he is out now with a wonderful new text; a memoir, in fact.
Nobody knows really what they're doing and there's two ways to go with that information. One is to be afraid and the other is to be liberated, and I choose to be liberated by it.
On Easter, the Pope asked for peace in the Middle East. There are two groups the Pope has to contend with - Jewish people and Muslims. They couldn't wait to hear his suggestions.
Scientists say the European space probe that landed on the comet has detected organic matter. This means there could be either life in space or a Whole Foods. We just don't know.
A new poll shows that Tiger Woods' popularity has dropped from 85 percent to 33 percent. President Obama's popularity is also at 33 percent, but Tiger had more fun getting there.
President Obama has decided that he wants his presidential library to be in Chicago, not Hawaii. Today Hawaii's governor said, 'Great, who's going to want to come to Hawaii now?'
Osama bin Laden's death has been in the news all day. Leftish stations are going, 'President Obama saves the world.' Stations on the right are going, 'Obama kills fellow Muslim.'
Democrats are calling Christine O'Donnell 'the Sarah Palin of the East.' Really? She's a loud, emotionally unstable woman from Delaware. That's not Sarah Palin, that's Joe Biden.
President Obama is in China. Also in China is evil Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. They're both in China at the same time. It's like running into your ex-girlfriend on vacation.
An old interview of Arnold Schwartzenegger has surfaced where he admits to smoking a lot of pot and having sex with hookers. Finally a Republican all Californians can get behind.
I don't have time to beat around the bush. The health-care plan as proposed by Mrs. Clinton is socialism. There's no soft way to peddle it. There is not other way to describe it.
All it takes is Harry Reid saying a friend told him [Mitt] Romney hadn't paid his taxes in ten years and it's over. But these kinds of things aren't gonna work on [Donald] Trump.
You're falling into the trap of believing everything that's in the political handbook, and at the top of the list it says you can't do anything without money. [Donald] Trump has.
This WikiLeaks document dump is showing - it's demonstrating, it is illustrating - that there is no boundary between the media and the Democrat Party, that it's one and the same.
[Vernon Jordan] and [Bill] Clinton would be in the same golf cart, they'd been out there playing golf, and every other word, folks, was what people hate [Donald] Trump for today!
The word "concluded" is a trick word. It's designed to attach authority and ontological certitude to whatever follows, when it's just another way of stating what somebody thinks.
I try to put myself in the shoes of people in the news. I'm in the news myself quite a lot. But there's many days I give thanks I'm not in the news and the news that's out there.
Donald Trump said - as a show of good faith - he was gonna work with people to try to replace Obamacare, to repeal and replace it rather than just to let it implode, let it fail.
The blacklist against people in the entertainment industry that show up for [Donald] Trump is worse than that blacklist you heard of in Hollywood back in the forties and fifties.
There are really only two types of people. Either you're running scared or you're running free. I choose to run free, and you can, too, no matter what your circumstances in life.
Newt Gingrich says he wants to get rid of Social Security. Who is more qualified to give this country financial advice than a guy who ran up a half-million dollar bill at Tiffany?
Legal immigration is a process. You learn everything about the people coming in. You find out how many of 'em are prone to vote Republican. You don't ask 'em this; you just learn.
Normally that's the kind of thing, even Colin Kaepernick should applaud that, but people don't. And that's quite telling right there, but [Donald] Trump wants to reinstitute that.
We keep hearing how “qualified” Hillary Clinton is to be president. I think it’s kind of like if somebody has to deny they’re a prostitute, then there must be some doubt about it.
Yeah, that'll excite the media, what role will Bill [Clinton] have, versus the [Donald] Trump story. But in all of this, the key to remember is that we're not talking about media.
If I had the ability to influence people all over the world just by speaking or writing, one of my objectives would be find out how America became special and then tell everybody.
These liberals are the craziest things. The Constitution, they see things in it that aren't there and ignore things which are. The 14th Amendment, nothing to do with gay marriage.
I was reading emails from women who are alternately chuckling or outraged. One of them said, "Do you hate women? Would you just be honest?" No, folks, no! It's quite the opposite.
Hillary Clinton was personally presiding over the dissolution of moral authority - particularly applied to presidents - because she looked the other way, because she tolerated it.
I wonder if liberal kids call liberal talk shows and ask how to get along in a conservative teacher's class? No. No. It doesn't happen, 'cause there's no thought of getting along.
Fall down. Make a mess. Break something occasionally. Know that your mistakes are your own unique way of getting to where you need to be. And remember that the story is never over.
President Obama held a ceremony at the White House to celebrate the first night of Hanukkah. In response, Republicans said, 'It's even worse than we thought. He's a Jewish Muslim.'
President Obama and Vladimir Putin are both in China attending the same economic summit. Obama saw Putin and said, 'After those midterms, it's nice to finally see a friendly face.'
A bank in Washington was robbed by two men in George W. Bush masks. Luckily, right afterwards two guys in President Obama masks came and bailed the bank out, so everything is fine.
Tip to out-of-town visitors. If you buy something here in New York and you want to have it shipped home, be suspicious if the clerk tells you they don't need your name and address.
Mitt Romney has a fund-raiser. He's going to get in the ring and fight Evander Holyfield. This is the dumbest thing Republicans have done since they wrote that open letter to Iran.
Chi-Os were ideal partners for all occasions. They were discrete, desirable, tactful, polite, and fun... Every mom dreamed of her son coming home with a Chi Omega, a woman's woman.
Rick Perry, started out like a ball of fire from Texas and then he started to drop and now he's retooling. He's adding advisers to his campaign team. This guy had advisers? Really?
Government is not capable of caring. Government gets things done through coercion. They fine, they penalize, they tax, they confiscate, they jail, they bully to get what they want.
If you're a rich guy, the best thing you can do is demand tax increases on the rich. That way the poor guy will leave you alone. The middle class and the poor will leave you alone.
There was a time when the United States government earned the trust of its people. There was a time when most people believed that the United States government was protecting them.
I go back and forth as to whether I think Nancy Pelosi's really this dumb or not. Although, every time I hear her speak I get closer and closer to concluding that she is this dumb.
If Milo [Yiannopoulos] were a liberal, he could say whatever and then some, and he wouldn't be addressing Conservative Political Action Conference, he would be emceeing the Oscars.