Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Fear, fear, breeds hopelessness. When you're afraid, you don't know what to believe in, you don't know what to hold on to. You're struggling to find something to believe in.
At the economic summit in China, Vladimir Putin is being accused of flirting with the first lady of China. Then again, Putin does have a history of not respecting boundaries.
Yesterday the IRS announced that obese Americans are entitled to certain tax breaks. Apparently, under the new rules, you're allowed to claim two or more chins as dependents.
Andy Warhol said that in the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. Facebook is exactly like that except you're not really famous and your 15 minutes goes on forever.
The new Pope, Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, is now Pope Francis the 1st. Francis was not his first choice for a name. But the Vatican wisely talked him out of Pope Boo Boo.
I just do my thing and try each show to be more honest about why I am and who I am. It's quite tricky and actually nerve-racking to do that. It's kind of a happy train wreck.
In the last 48 hours King Abdullah from Saudi Arabia passed away. I have a moral dilemma. The king passed away three or four days ago. Is it too soon to hit on Queen Latifah?
President Bush says now he is sticking to his plan for handing over power to the Iraqis on June 30. It's also part of his plan to hand over power to John Kerry on January 20.
We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since this guy has gotten laid in the private sector.
What they want can never work. Their dreams can never even get close to reality. Their hopes can never, ever be realized. It isn't humanly possible for liberalism to succeed.
You cannot keep your plan and have Obamacare at the same time. Obamacare, by definition, gets rid of your plan and replaces it with health care run by the federal government.
[Donald] Trump was gonna investigate the whole kebang up there and figure out what had gone wrong and get rid of all the deadweight at every agency - EPA, DOJ, what have you.
[Leftists] have all these embeds in their bureaucracy and in the judiciary. So even when they lose elections they have ample positions of power occupied by career invisibles.
Trump's the only person that can possibly beat Hillary Clinton, and if you don't support that, then you own it. You're gonna be a partial owner of the Clinton administration.
There is female-on-male spouse abuse. There are women who hit their husbands. But there must have been something that caused that because otherwise it wouldn't have happened.
How do you grow up in the shadow of a guy - I want to talk about the movie in a second - but how do you grow up in the shadow of a guy who really is a legend in his own time?
Russia's Vladimir Putin appeared in public for the first time after a mysterious 10-day absence. Putin said it took him that long to recover from the finale of 'The Bachelor.'
A congressman from Texas sent out a tweet comparing President Obama to Hitler. That is ridiculous because at this point in his career Hitler had a much higher approval rating.
Utah could elect its first black Republican woman to Congress. In other words, Utah finally got one black person and the first thing they want to do is send her to Washington.
For the first time ever, a black Republican woman has been elected to Congress. President Obama told her, 'You are all set. This country never turns against a black anything.'
This morning President Obama met with Britain's Prince William in the Oval Office. It was a meeting between a symbolic ruler with no real power and the future king of England.
The meeting with Prince William took place at the White House because Prince William wanted to see where the president spent his days, but the golf course was covered in snow.
To label Jason Randal a magician does a disservice. You'll think the laws of physics, nature, the universe itself have been suspended. He's as good as Houdini was at his best!
Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?
We're not sexists, we're chauvinists - we're male chauvinist pigs, and we're happy to be because we think that's what men were destined to be. We think that's what women want.
Obama just announced Americans don't consider themselves victims, or entitled. Actually, the vast majority of Obama supporters believe exactly that. They believe exactly that.
To the left, immigration is anybody who gets in, anybody who wants to come gets in. And that's not what immigration is. That's illegal immigration. And that's what is opposed.
With the camera you might even not need the reporters. But, you see, media can't trust you to watch [Barack] Obama without them telling you what you just saw and analyzing it.
In a new interview, Secretary of State Colin Powell repeated that the U.S. has no plans to attack Syria or Iran. After hearing this Donald Rumsfeld responded, 'Like he'd know.'
Political analysts are saying that as a candidate, Donald Trump is 'a totally unqualified nuisance.' In other words, he is a legitimate contender for the Republican nomination.
This is official today. China has surpassed the U.S. and now has the No. 1 economy in the world. After hearing this, China's children asked, 'So now can we take a lunch break?'
The top 15 contenders for the Republican nomination own at least 40 guns among them. If we elect a Republican president no one is hopping over the White House fence ever again.
Mary Keitany from Kenya won the women's race at the New York City Marathon. You can tell she was fast because guys on the street didn't even have time to finish their catcalls.
People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.
An anthropologist at Tulane has just come back from a field trip to New Guinea with reports of a tribe so primitive that they have Tide but not new Tide with lemon-fresh Borax.
Tomorrow is Election Day. It's what they call the midterm elections, and you can cut the indifference with a knife. It's the day Americans leave work early and pretend to vote.
President Bush is going to establish elections there in Iraq. He's going to rebuild the infrastructure. He's going to create jobs. He said if it works there, he'll try it here.
Everybody thinks America's headed the wrong direction. There's a reason for it. We're where we are because of policies implemented by Obama Barack Obama and the Democrat Party.
I'm not singing the virtues of corporations simply 'cause they exist. But by the same token I'm not gonna be like your average liberal and condemn them just because they exist.
The state sovereignty is key here in the Electoral College - and if you're going to start divvying up the power of each state's elections, you are destroying state sovereignty.
Trump did more interviews, he explained his agenda more than any political presidential candidate ever has, in my memory, and he has tried to stick to it as people perceive it.
That's another thing the #NeverTrump-ers can't figure out and despise. But the media did, too. The media was fascinated. [Donald] Trump was ratings. He was money, and still is.
Agreeing on the "why" takes all the romance out of everything, takes all the seduction. Seduction used to be an art. Now of course it's brutish and it's predatory and it's bad.
We give you the facts. I told you information is power - knowledge is power. We can't be in an ideological battle to redeem the soul of this country if we don't have the facts.
A new Republican Congress is taking over. Sen. Ted Cruz has been appointed tooverseeing NASA in Congress. He says he wants NASA to focus on finding aliens so he can deport them.
People are mad a Donald Trump for allegedly making a joke about Megyn Kelly having her period. Trump said, 'Trust me, I know what goes on down there, because I'm a huge douche.'
The latest political rumor, North Korea ruler Kim Jong Il is close to naming his successor. Yeah, he said the only person with glasses big enough to replace me is Nicole Richie.
The Olive Garden is bringing back its 'Pasta Pass,' which lets you eat as much pasta as you want for seven weeks. In a related story, Chris Christie just suspended his campaign.
Here in Los Angeles, school's out for summer. For thousands of school kids, this is the first week of summer vacation. And for thousands of parents, it's the first week of hell.
I found the prospect daunting, but somehow comforting, too, because the counselors insisted it could be done, and, after all, many of them were recovering alcoholics themselves.