Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Have you seen a copy of Tax Tips for Billionaires?
I wouldn't give my troubles to a monkey on a rock.
Hillary went to a Chipotle in a tortilla pantsuit.
BP has put more birds in oil than Colonel Sanders.
Delta: We never make the same mistake three times.
Politics is about moving forward, looking forward.
I want people to enjoy the fruits of their labors.
I have to tell you, every day is a roller coaster.
Not even the Washington Post understands humanity.
I don't want to judge anybody by wherever they go.
I'm a lovable, harmless, lovable, little fuzzball.
Sometimes rejection in life is really redirection.
Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.
It's a mistake to read. Television is the only way.
I aim to please. I'm nothing if not a vaudevillian.
Sometimes something worth doing is worth overdoing.
For the love of God, folks, don't try this at home.
To this day I do not believe I'm great at anything.
I'm a member of the media. I'm America's Anchorman.
I am not going to tell people what I don't believe.
I was the youngest of six, with four older sisters.
You have to change the set, stay ahead of the curve.
I realized women and humor were linked very closely.
Even a chameleon needs the proper amount of suction.
I don't think of myself as being invincible anymore.
Let's stop for a moment to admire the rotating pies.
Childhood. I wish I had something to complain about.
I did feel from day one that I was a born performer.
I would never want to hurt anyone by writing a book.
Bigot: A person who wins an argument with a liberal.
We need segregated buses... This is Obama's America.
I enjoy hearing the way people think. I always have.
Innocent people never deserve to die no matter what.
I'm a wiseass and a smartass, and I always have been.
Conservatism solves problems. Libralism blows 'em up.
The American political system is a giant bureaucracy.
When in doubt about who's to blame. Blame the English.
Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.
When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
I hate decaffeinated coffee. It's useless brown water.
What a day. It's 53 and gloomy - like President Obama.
New Orleans: The least annoying French place on Earth.
If I can be serious now, and I have the feeling I can.
If I prayed as much as I pluck, I'd be the Dalai Lama.
Character matters; leadership descends from character.
We live in a world of intolerance masked as tolerance.
Obama's an angry guy. He's got a chip on his shoulder.
Obama doesn't want to be called the deporter-in-chief.
I've been to Mar-a-Lago. I'm not going to Trump Tower.