It's my job as a reporter to not be about the business of making friends or enemies but just be in the tireless pursuit of truth.

For the first time since 2007, the FDA Has approved a new device to treat obesity. The amazing breakthrough is called a vegetable.

Tomorrow is Election Day. That's the day we Americans wake up, consider our options, and then remember we didn't register to vote.

The hockey lockout of 1994 - 1995 has been settled. They have stopped bickering... and can now get down to some serious bloodshed!

Earlier today, the White House released President Bush's tax return. Not surprisingly, under dependents, the president listed Iraq

Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters - all of whom are late night comedians.

I like sitting in the dark and watching people far more talented than I'll ever be sing my songs and say my words. It's thrilling.

Liberals don't believe that ordinary people can do extraordinary things. If they promoted that, there'd be no need for liberalism.

I think I'm becoming a psychologist in explaining the Republican Party. It's the only way you can explain 'em. It's psychological.

[Donald] Trump, whether he designed it or not, happens to be the first thing in the news on UK soil the day after the Brexit vote.

Words aren't hurting anybody. Words are not causing any damage, not expressly and not directly. But we're so focused on the words.

When people don't want 'em, when they profit from the division, however, be it politically or financially, that's when I abhor it.

If I get married again, I'm just going to buy the woman a house and break up with her, because that will be the end result anyway.

I remained dedicated to my desires, and it's what enabled me to come back after being fired seven or eight times, whatever it was.

Open borders and the never-ending parade of illegal immigrants does nothing to build the national economy or the American culture.

Diversity for diversity's sake is nothing more than affirmative action and can make no claim to being part of America's greatness.

In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani.

Michele Bachmann said she wants her three daughters to learn to shoot a gun. Mostly so they can put her campaign out of its misery.

They've found a link between chemicals in shampoo and obesity. If you're eating shampoo, your weight is the least of your concerns.

The general election's taking place today in Iraq, so I guess that means we're one step closer to being there for another 10 years.

Osama bin Laden... lived in one house for, like, six years with three wives. And earlier today, they ruled his death was a suicide.

I believe I have voted for both Democrats and Republicans. Am I either one? Absolutely not. Ladies and gentlemen, I am an American.

I'm not going to assume liberals are stupid, as they do with conservatives. No, I'll attribute it instead to more fraud and deceit.

The Democrats are the architects of the mess we're in that we are trying to get out of, that we're trying extricate ourselves from.

That's why they're in the problem - having the problem they're having. They're not conservative. They're being run by their donors.

The more people that are out of work, the better for the Democrat Party. I know you might snicker at that, but it's the damn truth.

[Donald Trump] is not cool and therefore they're very proudly pointing out that none of them are gonna perform at his inauguration.

Obama is attacking every business. He is attacking every employer and employee. He is attacking the system. He has a perverse mind.

Women are being told to get midwives [in UK] because there's not enough room and there's not enough pain medicine at the hospitals.

[ Tucker Carlson] thought that was the paramount example of discrimination and bigotry and all of these buzzwords these people use.

Skepticism requires disbelief and curiosity, not conformity to conventional wisdom. There's no science here. This is pure politics.

Goals happen to be restrictive to me. Goals can cause me to maybe miss out or make a wrong decision on an opportunity that pops up.

The TSA is under fire for major security lapses. The TSA has let through pipe bombs, knives, and the last three Nicolas Cage movies.

People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay teeth.

Pepsi has a new Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew. No, we don't have an Ebola vaccine, but we do have the Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew.

Newt Gingrich wants to repeal child labor laws. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the man that we need to lead us into the 18th century.

Rick Perry is now saying he thinks that Barack Obama's birth certificate is fake. I think Perry may have faked his driver's license.

New York is great though. If you?re here and want a one of a kind souvenir be sure to take home the police sketch of your assailant.

Honey, what happened to "ladies first"? Husband replies, "That's the reason why the worlds a mess today, because a lady went first!"

What's the difference between a liberal and a conservative? A liberal will interpret the constitution, a conservative will quote it!

The American dream has now morphed into an expectation. And if it isn't provided, or if it doesn't happen, then people feel cheated.

It was a phenomenon I noticed many years ago. Young people were just giving up every bit of information about themselves they could.

I am just stupefied here. The left has officially stamped it now: Oil is a villain. Now, please ask yourselves: When did this start?

I mean, I think it would humanize Hillary [Clinton] incredibly to detail how she was involved in the family charitable organization.

[Donald] Trump saying I haven't invited [A-listers], I don't want 'em, I want the real people here. Got the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

The competition is cutthroat, even among best friends. And you have to be able to, by virtue of experience, be able to deal with it.

I know Donald Trump; he's a winner; he's committed; and he has intended all along to do what he thinks is necessary to save America.

As resolute as I feel about my convictions, if I'm wrong, I'm man enough to say I'm wrong, because I find it a rare occasion anyway.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A store in Houston is selling Donald Trump piñatas filled with candy. So finally something good is going to come out of Donald Trump.

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