Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
In many people's many people's minds this is the sole reason Barack Obama was elected. He was elected to fix race relations.
The Democrat Party loved the Soviet Union! The Democrat Party in the eighties and the seventies propped up the Soviet Union.
I don't know what to believe in the mainstream media anymore. My instinct is to not believe any of it, and it's their fault.
There's always been this implied promise - and it probably was stated somewhere - that Hillary Clinton was gonna be thanked.
LaDainian Tomlinson, Hines Ward, Marion Barber, and a host of other black stars help the NFL shine brightly week after week.
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here's the bad news. You just wasted it listening to this joke.
George Clooney says he's had sex with too many women to ever run for office. He was immediately made Prime Minister of Italy.
If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me.
Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child.
The devil is not abroad at night in the form of a cat or a wolf or any other animal. He lives eternally in the hearts of men.
Today coming to work, I saw one of those only in New York scenes. It was a rat who had passed out after choking on a pretzel.
It's tax season. When I woke this morning and realized it was tax season, I said, My God, didn't we just pay taxes last year?
I don't know what they are protesting at Occupy Wall Street but I'm on their side. But 10,000 protestors and one Porta Potty?
I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.
The media is the great middleman. Trump doesn't need a middleman to get his message out. Trump's crowds are five blocks long.
When [Marco] Rubio won the election, he was a Tea Party darling, he was a Tea Party favorite. What happened? "Gang of Eight".
The Limbaugh Theorem was not about me giving me credit for something. It was simply sharing with you when the light went off.
There's a void of leadership in a lot of Washington. I think one of the reasons why there's so much angst across the country.
Democrats are talking about how Vernon [Jordan] cheats, I mean, he philanders, he's all over place, and they love him for it.
The people of America are tired of voting based on what candidates have told them they're gonna do, and nothing ever changes.
You can criticize Trump and his wealth all day long, but you can't say he hasn't worked. You can say that about the Clintons.
Our leaders today cannot be honest about Islam with us. They will not even use the term "Islamic terrorism," "radical Islam."
Barack Obama is a street corner community organizer who is using the office of the presidency here to virtually undermine it.
The conservative movement today is so fractured that I think you'd have a tough time actually defining it and pointing to it.
If she [Hillary Clinton] had not stood by the guy at any point, that might have meant the end of his [Bill Clinton's] career.
Tip O'Neill, even after Ronald Reagan became president, called him "an amiable dunce," which is what the Democrats always do.
According to a new poll, nearly six out of 10 Republicans want Mitt Romney to run for president. So do 10 out of 10 Democrats.
Thousands of legal and illegal immigrants staged what they called a Day Without Immigrants. Or, as it's known in Utah, Monday.
Jeb Bush welcomed his fourth grandchild. The new Bush grandchild is happy, healthy, and will be running for president in 2048.
It's autumn in New York. The colors are changing yellow, the browns, the greens, the oranges. And that's just the tap water.
As you watch the Gary Condit interview, three words come to mind: stiff, unbending and impenetrable. And that's just his hair.
It is cold down in Washington, DC. They had to use an ice scraper on John Boehner's face to get the tears off, it was so cold.
Hillary's trying to appear downhome. Earlier today she was sitting on the front porch of a general store whittling a pantsuit.
You can email me, but I prefer letters that come through conventional mail. I like letters that have been licked by strangers.
In life or in football, touchdowns rarely take place in seventy yard increments. Usually it's three yards and a cloud of dust.
It's amazing when you see something on T.V. for years and then you go and see it in person. It's perspective is all different.
The Republican leadership thinks the best way to avoid losing elections is to let the Democrats win every controversial issue.
Children need love and discipline. They need mothers and fathers. A welfare check is not a husband. The state is not a father.
If you compare charitable donations, you name it, religious tithing, giving, Americans trump citizens of the world hands down.
The American people love immigration. They just want it obeyed. They want the laws obeyed. They want there to be assimilation.
Where do you think all these attacks on conservative media are coming from? They're not coming from the Democrats exclusively.
I love 'Last Call.' It took me a little bit to figure out that I wasn't going to be that guy in a suit telling monologue jokes.
When reached for comment on the charges, Martha didn't say much, (only) that a subpoena should be served with a nice appetizer.
I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.
Don't protest outside of a rich man's house in the daytime, you'll just scare the maid, and that's Arnold Schwarzenegger's job.
She still cared for me, and the best way I could make amends to her was to be happy. I do have a knack for finding great women.
Bush explained his strategy for transfer of power. It's a two part plan. Part one: clean out his desk. Part two: rent a U-Haul.
You know you've had too much to eat for Christmas dinner when you slump down onto a beanbag and realize... there is no beanbag.
Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary mustache?
Vladimir Putin said the tanks that you see rolling through the streets are just part of the closing ceremonies of the Olympics.