We're dealing with character assassins. We're dealing with career assassins. That's who the media is today.

Has the pope questioned the faith of any communist leaders? He spends a lot of time in communist countries.

[Donald Trump] doesn't have the money to run commercials and I launched into a tirade on money in politics.

Standards are declining left and right, and it doesn't matter. It's whatever is necessary to prop up Obama.

[Barack Obama] still fighting these mysterious, powerful forces trying to stop him, yet he's the president.

I don't hear anything from Trump about tax increases. I hear tax cuts from him. I hear tax reform from him.

In terms of objectives or agenda, Donald Trump has been the most transparent candidate that I can remember.

Trump is not haphazard. Trump has the ability to improvise at a rally or go off the prompter at some point.

I am fundraising gold. Democrat donors hate me so much, they hear my name and they run to their checkbooks.

They [men and women] have both been, and men especially, have been told that how they naturally are is bad.

Apple released the upgraded version of the iPhone 4, called the iPhone 4S. I think the S stands for suckers.

The White House is saying Donald Trump has 'zero percent chance' of being elected. Isn't that a little high?

Number one way life would be different if dogs ran the world: All motorists must drive with head out window.

Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water.

Obama took a tour of the Great Wall of China and said, 'We need one of these things around the White House.'

Osama bin Laden has ten look-alikes to fool us Americans. Ten look-alikes, and he's married to five of them.

Mitt Romney said he's not concerned about the very poor. What he means is people making less than a million.

Here's the plot of 'Interstellar.' Refugees - they're known as Democrats - they're looking for a new planet.

Holocaust? Ninety million Indians? Only four million left? They all have casinos - what's to complain about?

United States foreign policy, which includes national security, is literally disintegrating before our eyes.

When a poll is really, really out of whack with what I want to happen, I do have a tendency to disregard it.

We can't unify around a single premise! Name one thing the Republican Party today could unify on. You can't.

I cannot overemphasize this, the attitude, the defeatist attitude that everybody on the Republican side had.

[John] McCain has never ripped into [Barack] Obama the way he rips into [Donald] Trump or other Republicans.

In America , the media lives in a vacuum where they are able to not just criticize; they're able to destroy.

Obama has wreaked a lot of damage on America already, and there will be more. There's gonna be more to come.

The Republican Congress is like a groundhog afraid of its shadow when a government shutdown is talked about.

Every New York Times story [about Donald Trump] is the result of the organizational efforts of Barack Obama.

You know, I'm cursed with morals. I was raised a certain way. I wish I wasn't. I wish I was raised by wolves.

Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.

Wikipedia celebrates its 12th birthday today. Of course, I have no idea if it's true. I read it on Wikipedia.

I hope what I do has an art to it, and as an artist you have to try new things and keep yourself entertained.

People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning.

The first thing, the first element of a story that people hear, they believe it. Whether it's right or wrong.

Hillary Clinton worked with Marian Wright Edelman in Children's Defense Fund. That's all you need to do know.

[Gerald Rudolph ] Ford pardoned Richard Nixon to save everybody that, and the Democrats were ticked about it.

I happen to live in reality. The name of my city is Literalville. And it makes a lot of people uncomfortable.

There's a big difference in a representative republic and a democracy. We do not have a democracy in America.

The real question is not what's wrong with Trump, what's up with Trump, but what's up with the establishment.

People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid.

I'm reading a book, because I'm brainy. No, it is a book - if you don't know, it is like a blog except bigger.

Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.

A lot of the U.S. used to be part of Mexico, including Arizona. But they're a bit touchy about that right now.

Anyway, if you needed something really dangerous, get a gun. It's easy, it's cheap, and it's the American way.

From 1934 to 1963, the biggest criminals in America ended up on Alcatraz. Nowadays they end up on Wall Street.

HD doesn't mean anything to me. It's a technical thing. It's like demographics. A lot of people know about it.

Last night we had Bill Clinton, the former president. Security was as tight as Governor Christie's yoga pants.

It's official, Arnold said he will enter the race for governor. At least that's what everybody thinks he said.

Hillary Clinton is running for president. This time around, she promises to be warm and approachable. Like me.

Sarah Palin made her debut as a Fox News analyst. They finally found a job that she's not under-qualified for.

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