The Republican Party cannot win the White House anymore with just conservative and Republican votes.

The left don't get what they want without the government forcing people to do it is the bottom line.

I think the people that ended up supporting Hillary Clinton didn't care what she was or who she was.

Donald Trump does what everybody who voted for him wishes would happen every time the left pipes up.

You don't have the right to hold somebody accountable for standards you refuse to apply to yourself.

People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment.

The wedding took place in Vermont, where they have legalized gay civil unions, and I married a woman.

You like science? You enjoy science? Always use it for good, never for evil. Can you promise me that?

It's disappointing when you finally get to meet someone you admire and he conducts himself as a jerk.

Twenty-four hours is never enough for a busy person and way too much for somebody with nothing to do.

The Republican Party seems just as eager as the Democrats to pronounce their voters as extreme kooks.

Donald Trump has defied practically every playbook or blue book technique in dispatching an opponent.

The Supreme Court has only granted citizenship to the children born to legal immigrants, not illegal.

I think these A-list celebrities that are all lined up for Hillary [Clinton], I think they heard her.

This guy [Steven Lerner] is a pure anti-capitalist. He despises America. He is on a personal crusade.

Ohio, you're too white, too many white people to be in any way meaningful in a presidential election.

Yes, I'm a personality. I accept that. O.K.? I understand it. But I'm a personality with credentials.

The storm came. Lives were washed away. Ancient pains resurfaced. Now it is time for a sea of change.

Men often think it's the bad boys who get the hot chicks. But I'm living proof that the good guys win.

If you can really laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk.

Let’s just agree any group of 3 or more handsome British men should be referred to as a 'cumberbatch.'

Don't be cynical; it leads nowhere. If you work hard, and are kind, amazing things will happen to you.

You know, I think there's a good rule of thumb here: Don't take nutritional advice from other species.

A friend of mine that I was in a band with started me on Kafka, which in turn led to Camus and Sartre.

I love the United States. I have applied for citizenship. I want to take the oath of allegiance on TV.

A woman in Germany gave birth to a 13 1/2 pound baby. That baby was so fat his first word was strudel.

People under siege turn to us in complete frustration and I get a chance to go in when it's do or die.

Trump says that if he's elected, he won't let the presidency interfere with the Miss Universe pageant.

Herman Cain said, starting today, if you buy into his 9-9-9 plan, he'll throw in a free 32-ounce soda.

Newt Gingrich had a horrible week in the Iowa caucuses. Only 13 percent of his ex-wives voted for him.

It's two days until tax time. I know it's late, but there is still time to deduct this show as a loss.

Prince William and Kate Middleton are in New York City. We have got to do something about immigration.

I pulled a hamstring during the New York City Marathon. An hour into the race, I jumped off the couch.

I am not retiring until every American agrees with me, and there's some work still to be done on this.

I've always believed in the old-fashioned way: When you've got scoundrels in office, you vote 'em out.

The Republicans have bought into the idea that people hate them because they're opposed to everything.

How could that woman [Hillary Clinton] actually be the most cheated-on woman in America? Which she is.

[Donald] Trump's establishing his bona fides on military preparedness. No histrionics, just the facts.

It's all about raising more money. And they have to keep this alive, so Hillary [Clinton] got cheated.

He was a humanist then, he's a humanist now, and to my mind John Carlos is an authentic American hero.

Democrats, too often, take blacks for granted, and Republicans, too often, simply ignore black voters.

I found out it is just as hard to make a movie that you are not proud of as it is to make one you love.

Ted Cruz could be president of the United States. If you thought the Secret Service was drinking before

I got a call from my mom today, she says, 'Well, David, I see you didn't get the 'Tonight Show' again.'

The United States has launched airstrikes against ISIS. It's being called 'Operation Approval Ratings.'

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Did you get the new iPhone yet? The iPhone that I have is outdated. It has two pieces and a hand crank.

I'm going to tell you, what's good for al Qaeda is good for the Democratic Party in this country today.

Once the federal government has control of your health care, that means they can dictate your behavior.

Collective solutions to individual problems is very seductive. It's how Obama gets elected, by the way.

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