Quotes by Talk Show Host of the Authors - Page 17

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Did you see Howard Dean ranting and raving? Here's a little tip Howard - cut back on the Red Bull.

President Bush says he now wants to simplify the tax code. Only those in the blue states will pay.

I'm very resourceful. I'd be good in prison. I'd be good in a shipwreck. I'd make a great hostage.

Some people would say we're already under attack by aliens - not space aliens, but illegal aliens.

I'm like anybody else that's in media. I've got my opinions. I share them. I'm not afraid of them.

I have an institutional fear of big government. I have an institutional opposition to bureaucracy.

All I do is convert liberals to conservatism. That's what I do, and that's why they don't like me.

There's no such thing as equality. No two people are the same. You will not have the same clothes.

The Keystone pipeline would add to our domestic supply. It would help us with energy independence.

The media is one rather than a series of different entities that are competing against each other.

The Never Trumpers, no matter what is learned about Hillary Clinton, they will not vote for Trump.

Nick Young embarrassed himself. Carlos Boozer embarassed himself. Jordan Hill embarrassed himself.

Technically my dog's naked most of the time. Except halloween, when I dress him up as Liza Minelli.

That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil.

Some people watching CNN were so shocked they started rioting. No, I'm kidding. No one watches CNN.

Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van?

New York City subways are now getting high speed Internet. How about some high speed subway trains?

The Catholic Church has a tough new policy on child molestors: three strikes and you're a cardinal.

Here's a little known fact - Arnold is the first body builder to run for governor since Janet Reno.

Back when we started this show, the hottest program on television was 'Keeping Up With the Gabors.'

Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.

At the White House, they caught another fence jumper earlier today. It was Obama trying to get out.

The First Amendment doesn't give anybody the right to be heard. People don't have to listen to you.

It doesn't matter what the FBI says. The New York Times is that big a bible for people on the left.

Barack Obama makes more gaffes than George Bush and Sarah Palin combined and is never called on it.

We are past opposition. I mean, we've crossed that threshold before [Donald] Trump was inaugurated.

The Democrats of today, they don't care about the past, other than look at aspects of it they hate.

Being in permanent campaign mode allows you to never stop the process of destroying your opponents.

The alt-right is one of these Democrat manufactured groups of people and they do it every election.

Marxism is what has seduced American liberals - well, liberals worldwide, communists, all leftists.

They said Reagan was too dangerous. It was Reagan who ended the Soviet Union without firing a shot.

Democrats, folks, only have five states where they have the governorship and the state legislature.

People have called Christopher Columbus horrible, racist, a psycho-maniac killer and a slave owner.

The problem with the world is that not enough nations are trying to emulate what Americans've done.

I just find in our world that forgiveness is becoming more and more a difficult thing for us to do.

I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time...Its Free!

The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through.

Have you been following the big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? Or as we call it now, the Dead Sea.

Barack Obama's busy moving into the White House. Earlier today, John McCain was blowing on his soup.

The new CIA torture report is 6 million pages long. It's almost as long as a George Clooney pre-nup.

I saw a robin redbreast in Central Park today, but it turned out to be a sparrow with an exit wound.

Iraq's elite Republican Guard is doing so badly they're changing their name to the Democratic Guard.

Bill Murray is on the show tonight. Next week I'll be Goggling 'foods that improve prostate health.'

President Obama is going to take two weeks to unwind, as opposed to President Bush, who never wound.

But the Bible says, even though we may blow it every day, God's mercy is fresh for us every morning.

Guess what? Faisal Shahzad is a registered Democrat. I wonder if his SUV had an Obama sticker on it.

Liberals like to achieve fairness by spreading the misery. Conservatives seek to expand opportunity.

Look, 85% percent of Democrats think the economy's fine. What does that tell you about these people?

The journalists are so devoted to Obama. They are such sycophants that they're worried about access.

My point, they [Trump's followers] still don't care. They're going to stick with him no matter what.

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