What is it with all of these young single white women? Overeducated - doesn't mean intelligent.

Liberals get credit for good intentions, and that's about it, because everything they do fails.

Greatness has nothing to do with diversity, skin color, race, ethnicity, nothing to do with it.

Is it any wonder somebody like Donald Trump is racing through the presidential primary process?

Styrofoam and plastic milk jugs are biodegradable! Do you know what isn't biodegradable? Paper!

I don't have an ego that makes me believe the world revolves around me. I am not self-absorbed.

Every traditional ways in politics that you get rid of an enemy has not worked on Donald Trump.

Did it ever strike you, Jennifer [Palmieri], that maybe [Hillary Clinton] is a lousy candidate?

It's not his job, the president's, to pick winners and losers, nor to pass judgment on anybody.

Barack Obama believes he has the same kind of connection to the American people that Trump has.

He who wins the independents wins the White House. That's a liberal Democrat trick, by the way.

The Democrats have always been known as the party that's negative and look at everything wrong.

What is the purpose of life? What is the primary objective of life? To live. To sustain itself.

You want to be recognized for being popular but you also want to be recognized for being great.

I do love America. And LA is a very short commute to America its like half an hour on the plane.

Mitt Romney is quite a guy. At one point he and his wife bought a zoo and fired all the animals.

The senator got so tired on the campaign trail that he started kissing hands and shaking babies.

I come from a long ago era where men could be men and stereotypical humor didn't offend anybody.

I would feel much the way I feel when anybody is elected. You deal with what you end up getting.

I saw a survey and it is that NFL fans are fed up with listening to players talk about politics.

When you said the media, the liberals are just being good bots and just doing what they're told.

How one election has exposed the true dire straits of the Democrat Party. It really is profound.

Donald Trump is gonna immediately start canceling some executive orders and repealing Obamacare.

You have haters from all walks of life. I could care less who wants me to fail. They inspire me.

I hear YouTube, Twitter and Facebook are merging to form a super Social Media site - YouTwitFace.

Donald Trump is on the show tonight. Donald is a big man, I think 230 pounds -- 235 with cologne.

I always liked Mitt Romney. He looks like the salesman who follows you around at Brooks Brothers.

I heard this rumor that al Qaeda is merging with Hamas. Yeah, I got that tip from Martha Stewart.

Miracles is the sort of book that once you've read it you'll wonder where it's been all your life

We've made progress in our country, and it's been the Constitution that permitted that to happen.

Events sometimes are the biggest teachers, as opposed to words, lectures, and that kind of thing.

That's my point: What's she [Hillary Clinton] got to show for her 30 years around town? Right on!

Think of the Republican Party as the opposition to the Democrats. It doesn't exist in California!

The whole thing [climate change] is bogus and made up, designed like they always do to scare you.

I'll be honest with you, I never expected [Donald] Trump to actually prosecute [Hillary Clinton].

The Democrat Party is a shrinking and dwindling hate group. That's literally what they've become.

There hasn't been a military force like the United States of America in the history of the world.

Every candidate has passive support. It's just people that are gonna vote for him no matter what.

Both parties want it now. They want comprehensive immigration reform, and they want open borders.

One thing I do know, you can't change hatred by showing those people that they're wrong about us.

I know the fashion is that everything is fair game [for comedy material] but I don't believe that.

It's very interesting to know what people are doing while you're working on late-night television.

I don't think wood was discovered in Britain until the 1970's. That's when I discovered it anyway.

I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist.

The views expressed by Me are in no way endorsed by CBS any of its allied companies or in fact Me.

You can never talk religion on network TV. It makes too many people angry. You can talk about sex.

Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something.

There's something spiritual in hard work. Spirituality isn't all aromatherapy and scented candles.

Martha Stewart is getting out of prison so today the terror alert was raised from orange to pesto.

Iraq is so bad that President Obama phoned Hillary Clinton and asked her if she could start early.

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