I was told all my life I was part Cherokee. Then it was Crow. The latest is Blackfoot.

We're imperfect people trapped in an imperfect world until we get to that place beyond

There was no way we'd ever get spoiled. Daddy made sure to instill in us a work ethic.

At one point, Donald Trump even had to say, yes, whatever Ted Cruz said, I agree with.

I say what I mean. I don't speak in code. That's why I am a star and ace communicator.

The way Obama voters and non-Obama voters deal with unemployment are a very different.

The feminazis celebrated Bill [Clinton], all because he was able to just manhandle us.

Where are Bernie Sanders' supporters today? They were openly toyed with and defrauded.

Barack Obama and the Democrat Party convince people that America's best days are over.

Hillary Clinton represents staunch feminists, she represents the new era of feminists.

I'm associated with Walt Disney, but dammit, everybody knows that I'm a bottom feeder.

There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized.

I view my own body as a petting zoo. I am the main attraction... And the only customer.

I became a terrible drunk or alcoholic - or a good one depending on your point of view.

Appear tougher or cooler or funnier than you feel and there is a chance you'll make it.

What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night!

If you have not yet seen ‘Sue Thomas; F.B.Eye’... you are in for an unbelievable treat.

We're imperfect people trapped in an imperfect world until we get to that place beyond.

I have a practice of really not talking about the competition. I'm from the old school.

Liberals measure compassion by counting the number of people receiving government help.

There's a simple way to solve the crime problem: obey the law; punish those who do not.

I don't consider myself an offensive guy. I am just a harmless lovable little fuzzball.

Obama is a statist. He's an authoritarian. He doesn't want to govern; he wants to rule.

Another thing the Democrats have grown accustomed to is their candidate is untouchable.

They oughtta change Black History Month to Black Progress Month and start measuring it.

There's nothing good, there's nothing moral about taking money from people who earn it.

I analyze people's ideology, and I know leftists and liberals like the back of my hand.

The language doesn't mean anything anymore, folks. Truth doesn't mean anything anymore.

This is [Joe] Biden's unique way. I mean, here's a guy that never makes a gaffe, right?

Certainly nobody gets married wanting to get divorced or even expecting to - except me.

I don't consider myself just a black man. I consider myself a brotha. I love my people.

I don't have a sidekick - no Ed McMahon. So when I go out there, I'm lonely. It's scary.

It's hard to be a breakout show and stay on top. We're like the flagship show over here.

No charm, no humor, no wit -- and a personality which can only be described as 'icky.' .

The rain is giving much needed relief to California's crops. By that I mean 'marijuana.'

The Pope also said that while he's in town he would like to go see 'The Book of Mormon.'

Compared to Clinton, I feel like a loser. I can't even get the intern to make me coffee!

The 2016 presidential campaign is heating up. Can you feel the indifference, the apathy?

Kim Jong Un's sister got married. That sounds like another Seth Rogen movie, doesn't it?

Take that bone out of your nose and call me back (to an African American female caller).

The Democrats are the people who willingly allow their testicles in a lockbox somewhere.

The more dependent you are, the more ignorant you must be, and that's how they want you.

I think one of the plans the Never Trumpers have if Donald Trump wins is to impeach him.

[Democrats] in their frustration at having lost, they've thrown away the camouflage now.

I'm no liar. I could have been wrong, but I ended up not being [wrong]. But I'm no liar.

A season is not made in a week or two any more than a stellar game epitomizes greatness.

If you are in the world of business, that means you are in the business of making money.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.

When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die.

All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals.

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