Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I didn't need the elf outfit to play an elf; I could just play an elf.
At least black people knew when they were slaves; you remain clueless.
I'm in a position that allows me to do what I want to do, and I do it.
If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.
Before you can be all deprecating it's helpful to be self-deprecating.
Aspire to be the man you pretend to be when you're trying to get laid.
People want their 15 minutes and are willing to do anything to get it.
I didn't get where I am today by worryin' about how I'd feel tomorrow.
I'd rather send out a mass email then hang posters all over the place.
Do you ever do something, and then think to yourself: That's So Raven?
When a role seems fun it's easy to play. It kind of comes organically.
My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.
I tend to eat pretty healthy, though, and I work out - I work out hard.
This calls for a very special blend of psychology and extreme violence.
I don't think the people wanna see me play Clyde Johnson the architect.
It was tumultuous, it was crazy, but I would not trade it for anything.
Everybody's got a different sense of humor. It's just different styles.
Don't eat a mushroom stem and see colors, eat the whole bag and see GOD
I'd get demolitions experts to rig mother to implode like a skyscraper.
There hasn't been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank.
Our entire civilization is built on a foundation of unfixable bullshit.
I really feel like it's a travesty to make a child famous. I really do.
I love the Oxygen network - I love everything about the Oxygen network.
I'm particularly proud of my reluctance to share my dreams with anyone.
I'm traveling the world, ripping rooms apart with my stupendous comedy.
I do not have a helmet. But this is a wig, so it's a little protective.
I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny.
I'm not an alcoholic, I am freedom fighter against the teetotal taliban.
One of the first things you ever learn as a stand-up is don't show fear.
Not only are the voices in your head real, but they're accurate as well.
My mother-in-law was so mean she blinded herself just to get a free dog.
Christians are like a thirteen year old kid who still believes in Santa.
Sometimes it's difficult to laugh at certain things but comedy can help.
I definitely wanted a Ferrari 328 - I was obsessive about cars as a kid.
I have to say Tim Thomerson is one of the funniest people I've ever met.
Scholastically, I did enough to get by, but I was smarter than I let on.
It was the best night of my life, getting to dance on stage with Madonna!
A real cop fights real crime. A vice cop's only job is to ruin the party.
Are you driving with your eyes open? Or are you, like, using "the force"?
There are more whipped guys on television than there were on the Amistad.
If they [peple] really hate you, that means you're doing something right.
There are no black people in Iraq, so how will they know who to shoot at?
You can only do two things with your life: give it away or throw it away.
It was actually 3 years between albums. That seems like a long time to me
At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?
When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.
I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy.
I think comedy is a really, really good tool for trying to say something.
I think there's a part, just a part of comedians, that is still childlike.
What you see on stage is pretty much the way I am... a dry sense of humor.