Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Greatness and madness are next door neighbours; and they borrow each other's sugar. You don't get there without the other.
The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone.
Im from a family of doctors, and I think they really wanted me to be a doctor. I even sort of assumed I would be a doctor.
I like to be loved or hated - I don't like mediocre. So I'd rather have the entire crowd hate me than to have 90% hate me.
The way that these girls keep themselves skinny is awful, isn't it? By vomiting or using hard drugs - which I can't afford.
I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value.
Okay, first rule of this carpool. No breaking wind in my car. The only gas that Bernie Mac want to be smelling is unleaded.
When I say that asian women are beautiful it's not a sexual thing. I'm not being degrading, I find them sexually repulsive.
There's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card.
I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasnt particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention.
There's a lot of meth [in Bisbee]. So there's an ex-cop-car Tahoe and a BE DRUG FREE van parked right in front of my house.
Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you
Men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It's insulting. It's frustrating. It's unfortunately the truth.
Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk.
This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem, and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem.
I'm from a family of doctors, and I think they really wanted me to be a doctor. I even sort of assumed I would be a doctor.
I know Bea Arthur left the Pam Anderson roast really early, but it could have been because she was half dead; I don't know.
I've gone through literally over 30 years of struggle with weight and food and body image... and I'm like, 'Wait a minute.'
I like the stage lights to be bright so I can't see people because I will inevitably only see the ones who aren't laughing.
If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a party.
Donald Trump - and I don't dislike Donald one single bit - has no idea how good the Mexican people are at building tunnels.
If you watch the 'Blue Collar Comedy Tour,' don't expect that when you come see me by myself, 'cause it's a little rougher.
You're not supposed to be accepting trophies. You're supposed to be in the back being mad that people are getting trophies.
I think sadness and anger are really fertile ground for comedy. No one is really interested in a happy person doing comedy.
You know you poor when you eatin' breakfast food late. You fryin' toast? At nine o'clock at night? With bacon? You're broke.
Black audiences are hard. They always think they're better than you. So you got to come with a little extra to satisfy them.
Why I was so intrigued with Red Skelton was because he was able to make you cry and laugh and the same time. That was power.
I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage.
I don't think too much about age. Maybe if you're hurting, aching and arthritic, then you think about it a lot. But I don't.
From the very beginning, I always tried to make dialogue flow comfortably; I always did that to make it seem more authentic.
No matter what time of year it's always funny when a person walks by me dressed in religious garb and I say Happy Halloween!
I approximated the Black Friday experience at home by hurling myself into a wall a number of times and then ordering online.
I've really been working on the emotional and internal issues that made me eat in the first place. It's been a real journey.
There are only two conditions where you’re allowed to wake up a woman on a lie-in: it’s snowing or the death of a celebrity.
A killer Cuban restaurant with a giant cigar bar. Have me a Cuban sandwich. That's just like heaven to me. I'm a simple man.
I don't like cursing in movies. I feel like cursing has become the new hackiness. You try to find substitutions for cursing.
I care about what the people I care about think about me. It's a short list, but I really care about what those people think.
It might sound dramatic and a little grandiose, but as a Latina, I would like to be someone that gives a voice to my culture.
Raccoons don't need to do poppers in order to come while they're having anonymous same-sex interludes in a highway rest area.
Paralympics... fascinating because just watching anyone with a major disability trying to do everyday chores is fun to watch.
It was either me or Confucius that said the journey of a thousand miles begins with a vicious ass raping at airport security.
I'd like to produce, direct, write, score, and star in a film in exactly the way Chaplin did. I'll do that before I'm thirty.
The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.
For me, a breakup changed my entire life. I was a mess. I really got rocked, and I ended up turning it into a positive thing.
Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all.
So, I play in a band. It's a really underground band. Super underground. Very underground. Like, we don't even actually play.
I realized a long time ago that instead of being jealous you can be inspired and appreciative. It carries more energy to you.
If Sherlock Holmes can survive the Reichenbach Falls, then surely we have not seen the last of Detective Sergeant John Munch.
My opening acts are always really strong because I need a guy who can take on a big, big crowd. Which is not that easy to do.
Think of The Rontourage as the Ron White Channel, where you can see us getting into trouble in all kinds of different places.